I’m a chronic apologizer.
I’m the type of person who’d bump into an inanimate object and immediately apologize to it without even thinking twice. I’ve even jokingly referred to myself as “more of an apology than a person” before. But beneath the jokes and the apologies to tables and chairs lies an important revelation.
I’ve spent most of my life feeling like I need to apologize for my own existence.
I don’t think that we’re born feeling like we need to apologize for taking up space. Unfortunately, when others mistreat us, we then constantly feel like we have to apologize. Any time someone else makes us feel “less than,” we have to fight our urge to immediately apologize — even when we didn’t do anything wrong.
Some people believe that we should feel like we shouldn’t take up space. When others tell you that no one cares what you have to say or that you’re always ruining relationships, you may have an incredibly difficult time believing that you aren’t the problem.
So we become quiet. We put up walls, and we learn to make ourselves as small as we can in hopes that we’ll no longer disturb others. We apologize for things that we know aren’t our fault because someone we care about tells us otherwise. Our loved ones condition us to believe that our existence itself is problematic, so we do anything that we can to shrink ourselves. We know that to keep the peace, we have to feel sorry. We know that we have to be small if we want to survive.
But that’s no way to live.
You need to start believing that taking up space is OK. If you keep telling yourself that you deserve to take up space, eventually, you’ll start to believe it. You don’t need to apologize for your existence. You have the same right as everyone else: to be who you are without qualifiers.
People do care about what you have to say. And if the people in your life seem not to care about you, you’re allowed to find a new circle. You aren’t just a problem that you need to apologize for. You just need to find your people — and they’re definitely out there.
Your ideas are just as valid as everyone else’s. You deserve for others to hear you, even if your loved ones conditioned you to believe otherwise.
A supportive friend or partner will be more than happy to listen to your ideas, dreams, and concerns. If you haven’t had this type of support, know that you deserve to find someone eager to listen to you and support you. You should never feel like you should apologize for having needs.
Learning to take up space without apologizing isn’t easy, but you owe it to yourself to try to take up the space you deserve. I promise that refusing to apologize for who you are will be worth your time.
Featured Photo by Rana Sawalha on Unsplash.
