How many chronically ill or sick young adults get the comment, “You’re too young to be dealing with all this!” I’m currently admitted to my local hospital for a gram-negative rod bacteremia/sepsis from my central line. And I got this comment today. What’s a good response to hearing this question?
I get confused when nurses and doctors say this because chronic illness can strike whenever. There’s no age limit for when a chronic illness starts. I mustered up a “yeah, I know” response when told I was too young to be sick. But I always leave the conversation feeling misunderstood and pitied.
I don’t mind comments like, “Wow, this is a lot of tubes and lines coming out of your body. It must be hard to sleep with all this apparatus.” This feels validating of my experience because someone is acknowledging the immense struggle without being in disbelief from how young I am to be sick.
The “too young to be sick” conversation is tedious.
I just don’t have the energy to correct the nurse or doctor and explain chronic illness. I appreciate the sentiment, which is “I’m so sorry” and “Your situation is awful.” But what do you say when told you’re too young to be sick?
My conditions have disabled me since I was 18, and I’m turning 34 this October. I look young due to my fragile nutritional status and my genetic condition. But being told I’m too young to be ill makes me feel like I got cheated out of the best years of my life. I don’t always want someone’s comments because I’ve normalized my situation so that I can cope and move through each day. Bringing attention to how unusual my circumstances are makes my heart sink.
I’ve already been robbed of having kids. I cannot, for the life of me, find a potential partner who wants to spend a week every month in the hospital. Who would have guessed?
I can’t have a job or eat any food. I’m dependent on IV nutrition and IV hydration, as I’m unable to absorb liquids or solids. I am usually too tired to be out of bed. When I get sepsis, the fatigue gets 20 times worse.
But I found ways to cope with my condition. My saving grace is my service dog in training. He’s a white-yellow Labrador named Blizzard. He’s 15 months old and already knows upwards of 15 tasks to help mitigate my disabilities. Blizzard is the calmest, most loyal, loving, and happy dog I’ve ever met. He’s velcroed to my side and never lets me out of sight.
I also enjoy painting, crocheting, writing, journaling, playing musical instruments, sewing, and making dolls for other sick kids and adults who want a buddy with the same medical devices.
What are your coping skills when managing chronic illness?
Featured image via Stephen Andrews on Unsplash
Your post really resonates with the struggles that many chronically ill individuals face, especially when navigating the disconnect between their experience and others’ perceptions. The phrase, “You’re too young to be sick,” while often well-intentioned, can feel dismissive and diminish the complexity of living with a chronic illness. I completely agree with how exhausting it is to always explain that chronic illness doesn’t adhere to age limits. It would be so much more helpful if others focused on validating what you’re going through, like when they acknowledge the challenges you face with tubes and medical devices.
Hearing “You’re too young to be sick” can be frustrating and invalidating, especially when you’re dealing with real health challenges. This gently reminds others that health issues can affect anyone, regardless of age.
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What works depends on you. If you’re tired of explaining, smash karts a quick “It’s not about age, trust me” can shut it down. If they’re close to you, maybe open up a bit: “I wish that were true, but here’s what’s been going on.