It’s already midnight. I stare at my monitor and become immersed in the world in which I’m playing. I can almost feel the controller in my hand morph into the blade I wield in the game as I face off against General Radahn, a massive, powerful demigod clad in golden lion armor with the power to control gravity. As I watch my character fall to his knees, I lean back in my chair and wait for the “YOU DIED” screen to fade away.
As the screen fades to black, I’m faced with my reflection.
At that moment, the negative thoughts came crawling back into my mind. “What are you doing playing games so late? You’re always playing those games, every second of your life. Don’t you have anything better to do? You should spend more time with your family.”
As I stare at myself in the screen’s reflection, scanning my awkward posture, my reflection seems to hurl the biggest insult at me.
“What a loser.”
Though the time I stare at the screen is brief, that brief moment hits me hard. Sometimes I feel ashamed of myself for playing games late into the night. When I look at myself in the mirror, I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything in life. I wonder if I should do something more “productive,” but I turn back to my monitor and begin playing again.
As I return to battle General Radahn, those negative thoughts dissipate as quickly as they came. I continue to battle bosses, run from monsters, and connect with friends, forgetting I ever questioned myself. But the next time I look at that dark screen, the negative thoughts return.
It’s strange that one second, I live in the moment, playing my favorite video game without a care in the world, but the next, I dread the future. Both of these lines of thinking have merit, but I switch between them so quickly.
I am unprepared for life.
I fear what the future might hold, and I need more time to settle on what I want to do in life. Still, I should let myself enjoy my hobbies. After all, nothing good comes from constant stress and worry, especially at night. Kicking myself down is pointless because being in a bad mood will just make my problems worse.
Coping with my fear of the future is a constant battle, but it’s important to keep my chin up and look for the positives. I have time to figure out my life, I have resources to help me, and I still have plenty of opportunities to move forward in life. I’ve already signed up for internships and taken my writing hobby to a new level. I’ve expanded my ideas and created a world in the palm of my hand.
I know that fear, anger, and stress never helped me in the past.
These emotions cost me friendships, opportunities, and even my mental health. Acting on these negative emotions won’t help me, and worrying about gaining life experience won’t magically grant me the experience that I seek. I need to take control of my worries and move past them. When I use my fear to fuel my ambition, I can prepare myself for life’s biggest storms.
As I face off against General Radahn once again, I witness him fall from my hand, and I know that I finally conquered a powerful foe. I pump my fist, excited as my head drifts towards that monitor once more. This time, after taking the reins of my life, my reflection smiles back at me. I don’t have to fear my future anymore.
Featured Photo by ELLA DON on Unsplash.
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