I’m home early for the summer because I took a leave from my university. This year, there’s no “start” to summer vacation — a taste of what life will be like after university.
Last Saturday, I went to the airport with my friend’s mom. My friend, whom I have known since I was a baby, was returning from a trip abroad. She spent the past four months in Milan and will only be home for a few weeks at the beginning of the summer. After that, I won’t see her again until Thanksgiving, for which she’ll hopefully come home.
Over the past three weeks, I’ve applied to job after job and checked my university’s website for my course book list. I’ll take remote classes over the summer to graduate on time while my friends, still at school for another three weeks, will begin internships and research positions, which will help them continue their post-graduation work. I am on the way to my senior year of college.
While I know that the journey matters more than the destination, I don’t like either of the two right now.
Maybe everyone’s junior year ruins them. Rory Gilmore, the golden child of early aughts television, took a leave of absence during her junior year after stealing a yacht. She struggled to find work after college, and she never made any mention of writing a thesis. My junior year of university has been a waking nightmare — it’s included a leave of absence and a lack of applicable direction. Graduating from high school is a relief: exciting, inspirational, and anticipatory. Graduating from college is an anti-climax. Now I only have the rest of my life in front of me, and while this reflection on the emptiness in front of me is neither revelatory nor new, I imagine that it resonates with everyone who’s finishing their junior year of college right now.
Junior year goes from one rough stretch into another difficult, stressful time. After our last true summer break, we have to make sure that we can support ourselves and truly leave the nest.
But is my biggest mistake wondering what comes next instead of simply enjoying where I already am?
A few months ago, I spoke to one of my relatives. He told me that as he’s older, one of the things that he’s learned is to “truly enjoy the passage of time.” He revels in sitting exactly where he is in the life that he’s led. This relative wouldn’t change anything because he knows that the past is gone, so it can’t affect him anymore. Similarly, the future is entirely out of his control. I hear these sentiments from people who are content with their lives, and I can’t help but wonder where the line between gratitude and settling lies.
I once had dreams of becoming an author and an actress. Now I just feel OK about getting up before 8:30 in the morning and filling out at least one job application per day. My goals have declined in magnitude, but my contentment hasn’t grown to fill the void where my hopes once proudly stood.
Therapists often teach their clients a coping mechanism called “Dig Where the Ground Is Soft.” This practice involves making a small change in your day — a change that feels manageable for you. Perhaps the lines between contentment and ambition cross where the ground is soft. Once I find that soft ground, I can start to dig my hands into my own life.
Photo by The Jopwell Collection on Unsplash
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This reflection beautifully captures the silent struggles so many of us face in our early twenties — the in-between space where dreams shift, identities blur, and the future feels both urgent and unknown. The idea of “digging where the ground is soft” is powerful — a gentle reminder that growth often begins in the smallest, quietest corners of our lives. As you take this next step, may you find soft ground not just in routine but in the moments that surprise you. And speaking of next steps — if travel or a change of scenery ever becomes part of your healing, places like Heathrow Terminal 5 offer more than just departures; they offer new beginnings. ✈️
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