Most relationships start off with a bang. However, as time wears on, our habits can sabotage the thing we care about the most, leaving us wondering how to fix a boring relationship when it seems like there’s no life left in it at all.
Is it normal to be bored in a relationship?
No one intends for this to happen, of course, but after too many days wearing sweat pants and binge-watching Netflix together, even the best relationships can suffer from boredom.
That doesn’t mean your relationship is over and done with, though. It’s totally normal for a relationship to get boring, so if (and when) it happens to you, don’t panic.
What it means if your relationship is boring
If it’s a new relatively new relationship, what you might be experiencing is the end of the honeymoon phase. Typically lasting around 30 months, once that period of passion and butterflies is over, it might feel like your relationship is hitting a dead-end. However, that’s likely not the case.
If it’s a relationship that you’ve been in for a while, it’s probably the general comfort you feel with this person that’s making you feel bored. Excitement often stems from experiencing the unknown — if you’ve been with someone for years on end, you probably know exactly what to expect from that person at all times, and them from you, so that element of excitement is no longer there.
How to fix a boring relationship
Whether you’re having problems or things have just become monotonous, here are a few quick and easy ways to fix a boring relationship.
1. Recreate a memorable date.
Pick a date that you know you both enjoyed and recreate it. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, but the date’s association with the positive memory is likely to help you bring back the spark.
Also, if you’ve let date night go by the wayside entirely, try to carve out some time to reconnect at least once a week.
2. Learn something new together.
Do you have a hobby you’ve always wanted to try? Are there any local classes offered that sound fun? Trying something new and getting both of you out of your comfort zone can help you reconnect.
Learning also serves to ground you in the moment, which — if you’ve both been preoccupied with stressors — is a good thing.
My parents (who have a happy 37-year marriage) report that learning something new together — like the time they took floral arrangement classes — is one big key to keeping their spark alive.
3. Work on a project together.
Have you been putting off renovating your house, cleaning out your closets, or tackling the mountains of boxes in your garage? Choose a project that you can knock out together in a few days or a weekend so that it feels attainable and not overwhelming.
Changing up your environment together can provide a common goal and joint pride of accomplishment.
4. Take the TV out of your bedroom.
When you’re both busy, sometimes the bedroom is one of the few times that you can both connect — emotionally and physically. By removing distractions, it makes it all the more likely that you’ll find time for each other.
5. Escape from everyday life.
It doesn’t have to be far away or expensive, but just getting out of your normal routine can help you reconnect.
There are tons of ways to turn a few days into an adventure together. Camping, getting a hotel room, visiting a local spa, or even turning off all of your technology for a weekend are all great ways to get some time together and switch things up.
6. Revamp your look.
Giving yourself a little makeover can both make you feel good about yourself, and spark some new interest from your mate. Sometimes when we get comfortable in a relationship, it’s easy to go overboard and stop making the effort to look good like we did at the beginning of the pairing.
Often our partners are the long-suffering recipients of our most sloppy habits and we forget that it’s really important to make an effort. They might never tell us that they are disappointed that we’ve given up on things, but it can really make the other person feel that they aren’t important to you. It’s a really common mistake to assume that because the other person loves you and is still in the relationship, they are happy with the status quo.