Breakups can be full of indecision. In the heat of it all, you can feel so confident with leaving, and the next day be crying over old photos and writing enough “I miss you” texts to fill a novel. If you’re feeling like a psycho who can’t get her feelings straight or being mad at yourself for not knowing how to control your emotions as fucking adults do, it’s okay.
You’re not crazy. You’re just a human.
Even in breakups when the person did something totally unforgivable — and you know giving them a second chance would be a mistake — indecision is still there.
No matter what kind of circumstances you’re under, you’ll want to cling to the happy moments and might find yourself wondering “why me,” out loud to the guy at the McDonald’s drive-thru.
Again, you’re just a human, and it’s important to remind yourself that feeling like you want things to go back to the way they were is normal and fine.
Chances are, the person you were with is still an important part of your life. It’s someone who you’d never thought you’d hurt or would hurt you. But shit happens, and things change.
And while it’s perfectly okay to miss the closeness you had, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should get back together.
Breakups are not cut and dry. It’s not like you just make a decision and move on, though for some reason people feel like it should be that way. Healing takes time, and you go through a lot of ups and downs to get there.
Just because you miss your ex doesn’t mean you should get back with them.
So if you’re feeling like you want to jump ship on the whole “let’s see other people” thing,” I want you to analyze the moments that got you here.
What did he do? What did you do? How did he react when he realized the relationship was ending?
Usually, breakups happen because someone stopped putting in the effort.
And while NOW they may be saying that they made a mistake and that they love you, you have to remind yourself that if they really loved you the way you deserved to be loved, then they wouldn’t have risked losing you.
Sure, people are humans who make mistakes, and I’m sure you’re a wise enough person to give the deserving (the key word here being ‘deserving’) another chance. But if it becomes a pattern then it’s time you start listening to their actions instead of their words.
You left, you’re moving on. Of course, they’re saying everything you’ve always wanted them to say.
But if they felt this way all along, why didn’t they say it sooner? If they really loved you, why didn’t they act like it in the first place?
Only you know what’s best for you and who your ex really is. But I urge you to look at how you were treated a little closer. Make sure you’re giving them another chance because you truly think they deserve it — not just because you’re feeling sad.
Originally published by Emily Blackwood on YourTango
Photo by Brian Lundquist on Unsplash