We’ve all met that one friend who makes us a better person just because we crossed paths with them. Whether they stay with us for a minute or a lifetime, their mere presence in our life makes everything okay again, even if only for a moment. In fact, these people make the pain you endured and all the tears you shed a little more bearable because they’re always with you.
However, I spend most of my days living with an extreme fear of abandonment. I constantly wonder who or what I’ll lose next. I don’t need much, just a mere presence in my life to help me feel less alone. But my fear of abandonment makes me feel like I will never find love or friendships that’ll stand the test of time.
So when I didn’t hear from my person for three weeks, my fear of abandonment grew intense. My mind filled with questions, doubts, and insecurities. But when I finally called him out of desperation, he chuckled and said, “No, I’m still here.”
So my friend, I want you to know that because of you, I don’t feel as abandoned.
However, I’m also afraid that the moment you leave, I won’t ever see or hear from you again. I worry that if I don’t hear from you by the end of the day, you’ll evaporate from my life. I’m afraid that when I give in to your wants and desires, you’ll ghost me. I worry that when you really get to know me, you’ll make a beeline for the door. I’m afraid that you won’t take the time to sift through my fears and insecurities and get to know who I truly am.
Yes, I’m afraid that you’ll abandon me at a moment’s notice. I’m afraid that no matter what I do (or don’t do), you’ll leave.
But you’ve come through for me every single time I needed you.
You’re the person who extends me a helping hand when no-one else will. You’re the one who tells me that this too shall pass. You’re the one who shares your dreams with me when I’m running low on creativity. You step forward when everyone else steps back. You catch me when I fall. You’re the one who tells me that I’m strong and helps me carry on when all that I want is to collapse. You’re the person who makes me feel like I matter in this world so that I no longer feel like humanity marginalizes me.
I hold onto your presence when my life goes dark.
So my dear friend, thank you for building a connection with me and sharing the wonderful person that you are.