The season two trailer of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation premiered last week and the hype is as escalated as one of Vinnie’s elaborate fist pumps. While the first season of the series spin off was as lovable as the original series, it reminded me a lot of my friends and I when we occasionally go out these days.
Don’t believe me? Allow the cast to explain a typical night out when you feel like you’re too old to party.
It all begins when your friend urges you to go out for the first time in a long time…
Then you think, “but, we’re old…” because, well, you are in fact getting old.
But then the idea warms up to you and you feel up to the challenge…
And, on the day of, the whole crew is waiting for each member of the squad to show up like…
To celebrate the rare occasion, you grab your old school favourite alcoholic beverage, knowing it’s about to cause you to do some bad things.
And… the pre-drinking begins!
Getting dressed to go out is a little rough because you don’t know what cool kids these days wear…
You aren’t exactly “on trend” anymore.
But, you figure it out eventually.
The pre-gaming is starting to take too long, and it’s now past your bedtime and you haven’t even left yet!
So when it’s time to finally leave…
But not before taking a group shot first.
And, remembering to spray yourself so you don’t smell like dirty club and sweat all night!
On the car ride over, it hits you…
Nothing beats the feeling of walking into the club for the first time in what feels like eternity because it feels like everything’s changed.
And what is the first thing you do when you go back to your old ways? SHOTS!
Then it hits you… You’ve had like two drinks and you’re already done. Your tolerance definitely isn’t the way it used to be.
And now you’re finally happy to be here instead of feeling like an old person rising from the dead to relive your youth!
And you can still keep up with that sexual dancing that kids these days do!
Meeting drunk girls in the bathroom hasn’t changed and you still feel the need to hype her.
At some point in the night one of your friends runs into an ex who absolutely destroys them…
But that’s okay, we have an easy solution to fix that.
And, of course, with seeing so many young and immature people, you make this face to your friends at least a dozen times in the first hour.
You spend plenty of time insulting them too.
You’ll start seeing some young and creepy guys coming at your friend, so you have to intervene.
You realize you’re old and broke when you look on the ground, find money, and actually rush to pick it up!
And while you’re having a great time with the group, you realize you lost someone along the way, and when you find them you learn they were getting drinks from randoms…
You get jealous and impressed, so you have to keep up too. A lot of drinks start getting ordered.
As a result, really messed up stuff starts going on and you just watch from a distance in shock but slight amusement.
Then you start noticing some random peoples’ drama and you become so invested.
And you already know…
Then they randomly leave, leaving you disappointed and on edge about what will happen next in their dramatic night.
You slowly start to realize you’re becoming sloppy…
And you and your friends start getting really weird.
One is even dirty dancing with a boy who could possibly be young enough that she could go to jail for sinning like this.
Another is even behind the bar or taking drinks from other people.
And your dancing has become a sight for sore eyes…
But you don’t even care that you feel like a dinosaur because you’re finally drunk enough to have fun without feeling judged.
And just when you finally start feeling good, some little kid (who probably has a fake ID to get into this place) makes a comment, saying you’re too old to be here. So, now you’re gonna show him how it’s done.
And… order more drinks!
And, for the millionth time, you reminisce on the times you had when you were their age. You laugh about how you used to be the dumb idiots you were just making fun of.
And these kids really start to annoy the heck out of you because they’re so irresponsible and stupid!
And then you realize you’re just done with the night. It’s time to get the hell out of here.
So, you grab your friends and force them out of this hell hole.
Getting into the cab to go home has never felt so good and it’s waaayyyyy past your bedtime.
Getting home may be a little rough, but somehow you make it.
You get in your jammies and prepare yourselves a drunken feast…
The whole night hits you: you just can’t party hard like you used to.
And then you start doing weird things again because you’re too wild to go to bed.
As a matter of fact, you’re just functioning… And you don’t know how.
But you can’t stop thinking about how tired you’re going to be in the morning.
And, boy, when you wake up in the morning…. You are dead!
And full of regret. Lots of regret.
But, looking back, you’re actually happy you went because you did have a great time.
And you realize you still got it.
Who cares if you’re older than the crowd or feel like you could be these people’s parents? You’re only young once, go out and do what makes you happy! You’ll only regret that night for however long you’re sick for the next day. The memories will last a lot longer than the hangover will!
Feature Image by sarah.borgese.wedding via Instagram