The first time I kissed you was on June 24th.
The first time you called me your girlfriend was July 2nd.
And the first time you kissed me and told me you loved me was July 3rd.
I still remember all of these dates, but the most painful was the day you disappeared from my life forever: October 10th.
Our one-year would have been this coming July 3rd. And it makes me think back to how crazy this year has been. It makes me remember the toll losing you has taken on my mental health and how much I’ve overcome. Falling for you had been the last thing on my mind, and despite trying so hard not to, I ended up falling head over heels for you.
For the first time in a long time, I wanted more out of life, and I wanted to share my life with someone. For the first time, I felt what it was like to truly be loved unconditionally by someone who had once been nothing but a stranger who had walked into my life. For the first time, I was excited to wake up because for once, my reality was better than my dreams.
But, through this past year of overcoming obstacles and growing without you, I have realized that you were just a passing cloud in my life, a cloud that was only meant to soothe me in my darkest moments. Once the light in my life started seeping back in, you moved on, continuing down your own path, just as I was meant to continue down mine.
So, this is me, finally letting go.
This is me letting all those dates that once meant something mix in with the all the other insignificant dates of the year. This is me finally letting go of what was, both for what is and for what’s still to come.
But, before saying goodbye, I would like to thank you for everything you taught me this past year about myself and about love. My father always told me that your first love will always hold a special place in your heart and to be careful with who you give your heart away to first. Your first love will change everything about you.
You were my first love, and in looking back, I can see that you were the perfect first love. You taught me that love is patient and understanding. You taught me that love should be one’s strength; never one’s weakness. You showed me how pure love should be and that I deserve someone who will love me not for how I look but for who I am. You fell for who I was before falling for how I looked. We were wonderful together, but, as my grandfather used to say, all good things must come to an end to make way for some of the best things that lay ahead.
There will always be a small prayer within me for you, and I will forever be your well-wisher. But this is me finally saying goodbye… without looking back this time. It’s time for me to move on, to live my life the way I want to. I hope to live a life full of smiles, laughter, service, and love for everything and everyone around me. I know that I deserve to be happy again, and to do that, I will have to finally let go of you. And, as I write the ending of our chapter, I can hear doors opening, beckoning me to enter and continue writing my story — a story with many twists and turns.
For the first time in a long time, I am excited to see what the future holds. Because I am ready to dream bigger, to cross the seas, and to open my arms to the unexpected. I am ready to live again; this time, without you.
Featured image via Pexels