Why I’m Thankful For The Years Of Dating The Wrong Men

This is about a woman who finds herself saying “no” to a man that she has been with in the past. A man who doesn’t seem to understand that women just want someone who is going to step up to the plate. A man who believes that all we need is the invitation of sex and no more than that.This is also about finding growth within yourself knowing that you deserve more than just the same old invitations that you have received in the past.

Years ago, I would have jumped at the chance to be with you.
I would have been in awe of you,
I would have bent over backwards to make sure you were happy,
I would have let myself fall so fast, no matter the cost.

Years ago, I would have dreamt about what could be,
I would have loved the idea of a future,
I would have left my head in the clouds and fallen for all your promises,
I would have let myself been intrigued by the idea of you, no matter the heartbreak.

Years ago, I would have gotten out of bed any time of the night,
I would have rushed to be by your side,
I would have been at your beck and call just at the chance to see you.
I would have answered, no matter the time of day.

Years ago, I would have been your side girl, your booty call, your whatever,
I would have jumped into the back of your truck just to be considered yours, even for a minute.
I would have been okay with whatever you had given,
I would have accepted anything, no matter how bad the ending was going to be.

The problem was that I would have done anything for you,
No matter what the price was to me.
The problem was that I had lost myself in the process,
Focusing so much on you so much that I lost all sense of me.

Years ago, I was so desperate to have someone like you.
I was so eager to make something work that I broke myself,
I was so over-accommodating that I would forget what made me happy,
I was so involved that I would lose the life outside you.

Years ago, I was so in love with the idea of you, I forgot what reality was.
I was so worried about being alone that I forgot what it was like to be free.
I was so terrified to lose what little I had with you.  
I was so injured that I let myself break even more every time you left.

Years ago, I wasn’t as strong as I am now.
I wasn’t able to walk away from someone who didn’t treat me right.
I wasn’t as confident to be by myself.
I wasn’t smart enough to know that I’m alright on my own.

Years ago, I wish someone had told me that I deserved better than this opportunity.
I wish someone would have told me that there are better men out there, they just haven’t been found.
I wish someone would have said that is going to be okay if you walk away.
I wish someone would have told me that there is no longer any reason for you to stay.

But without those years, I wouldn’t have learned the lessons that I needed to learn.
Without those years, I wouldn’t have grown into the woman that I needed to become.
Without those years, I wouldn’t be able to tell you that you deserve better than the ones you have settled for.
Without those years, I wouldn’t be able to say no to the men I need to walk away from.

Photo by Josh Felise on Unsplash


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