Relationships can be complicated. Whether it be a dating relationship or just a friendship, people tend to make things more complicated than they have to be. Our lives are all different, and yet our relationships don’t have to be. Some of us find ourselves with relationships with people that are very similar to how we live ours, but then there are also those people that are the complete opposite side of the spectrum that we find similarities with that just work. The thing about relationships is that all of them require work to maintain them and keep them going strong.
It doesn’t matter what a relationship looks like on paper, whether you are extremely similar or polar opposites if you want to make it work, both of you have to make an effort. No matter how much you try or how much you give on your part, the effort has to be from both sides in order to make things happen. When it comes down to it, it isn’t about if you both like Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream or if you both love the same kind of dinosaur, it is about the effort that is put into it. I have two examples to work with for both friendships and relationships.
As far as friendships – On paper, our lives were similar, but as we grew up, they really didn’t match up. She was always taken, I wasn’t. She was always pushing things on me, I was the laid back type. It was her way or no way, whereas I’m more open-minded. She had kids, I have a dog. Like puzzle pieces, we were far from a match, but we did have some of the same interests in books, music, and movies, so as far as that goes, we had common interests to work with. The big but that comes into play here, as far as friends go, she was terrible. I became the single friend that she liked to hang out with for fun, but didn’t want around her “taken friends.” I was the one that it was easy to cut down on to feel better about your own life and your own mistakes, yet I kept putting forth an effort into trying to be a friend to her. Even now, I tried to repair whatever this riffed was between us and yet still find myself getting irritated by the fact that it is somehow my fault for her being selfish and vindictive. “We have nothing in common..” is an excuse that you hear so often, yet it is just that, an excuse, but there is also some truth to it. We did have a lot in common, but we don’t know because unlike you, I’m willing to put forth the effort of not only being a good friend but also being a decent human being.
As far as relationships – On paper, our lives were pretty similar. We were both super single, watching all of our friends move on but we were stuck in the same place. We were both in positions in our life where we were questioning if we were making the right career moves. He had just moved into a new home, I’m in the process of looking for a place of my own. Very similar interests in books, music, movies and the love of the Office. Everything on paper sounded right and looked like the sure thing, but one day he stopped returning my messages. Out of the blue, something spilled on the paper of what looked like this good thing that was about to happen and it was tossed in the trash, just like that. The big but here is when I look back, I was the one making the effort the entire time. I was always reaching out to him to talk to him and keep the conversation going. Even when the pieces of the puzzle matched up, they were lying on opposite sides of the table and he wasn’t willing to pick it up and put it where it belonged. Sometimes for whatever reason, the things that look perfect don’t turn out to be, because one person is afraid to put forth that effort in making it work.
Lesson to be learned: No matter what it says on paper, it is about the effort that is put into it. It doesn’t matter if you literally have everything in common and were born on the same day in the same hospital or if you are as opposite as Dwight Schrute and Jim Halpert from The Office, if one person isn’t making the same effort as the other one, then the relationship is doomed. The main thing is to make sure you are putting your effort into the relationships that deserve it. It isn’t fair for you to be doing all of the work, so make sure you are working on the ones that count. You deserve a people in your life that are going to make the same efforts to keep you in their life, so make sure you are making the right choices and keeping the ones around who deserve to be there.
Previously seen on Hunny, Learn From Me.
Featured Image via Unsplash.