It’s Not You, It’s Her: Why Women Don’t Know What They Want

I often get asked by my male friends – what the heck do girls actually want? They say: if we give them attention, they call us clingy; if we play hard to get, they call us game-players; if we move forward, they pull back. What happened to girls wanting the nice guy?

And then suddenly I realized, in a moment of complete clarity, that us girls make it really difficult for the guys. I’m not saying that guys make it easy either, but I think I speak on behalf of the female population when I say we know and accept that we are difficult. We cry a lot, sometimes for no apparent reason, we crave reassurance and then bat compliments away. We blame boys for playing games and being a-holes, but then we push them away when they are nice. Maybe we just don’t know what it is that we want.

Having grown up with Cinderella and Snow White as our main gals, it was always all about Prince Charmings, fluffy ponies and happily ever afters. In our heads, we pictured flowers and roses, but unless it’s the right time, even those things can’t sweep us off our feet. Truth is, life isn’t like a fairy tale. Although Rapunzel may have spent every waking hour locked in a tower WAITING for her Prince Charming, us ladies of the 21st century aren’t waiting around for anybody.

So boys, here are five bulletproof ways to pick up on the fact that the girl you’re talking to isn’t trying to play games – she simply has no idea what she wants.

  1. She misinterprets your romantic gestures: Sure, sending a girl flowers is one of the most traditional romantic gestures you could offer – she’s seen it in the movies, she’s dreamt about it as a child, but when they turn up at her door… her initial reaction? She calls all her friends to discuss the matter. While they’re all like “OMG, that is so cute,” (the advice she’d be giving if the shoe was on the other foot – see point 4) all she can think is “he’s clingy,” and “this is too early,” “how can I escape,” and  “I NEED to escape.” Which leads us on to point two…
  2. She immediately wants to run away because you’re “too nice: She doesn’t really want to escape, she’s just scared to commit, because you’re THAT nice and she isn’t used to it. It doesn’t make much sense, does it? See, sadly, most girls have encountered more players than princes, so don’t bombard her with grand gestures when the most she’s used to is a guy splitting the bill instead of paying for it. If you are a romantic-gesture-kind-of-guy, introduce them slowly so she knows you’re not just trying to buy her affection or guilt trip her into being with you. It needs to be her own decision, without the pretty presents and big bouquets clouding her judgement.
  3. She’s protective of her time and space: Girls are pretty independent these days and they enjoy their own space. Going from being in control of your own time without having to ‘check-in’ with anyone else to being bombarded with the “what are you doing”, “where are you” and “when can I see you” messages is pretty terrifying. When she’s ready to surrender some of her precious time to you, you’ll know she’s definitely into you.
  4. She’s not taking the advice she’d usually offer: Let’s revert back to the flower scenario. If a guy sends flowers to her best friend, no doubt she’d be super excited for her friend because isn’t that the most adorable thing EVER. She’ll tell her best friend “he’s totally a keeper.” But, when she’s the one receiving the flowers, it’s a whole different ball game. If she isn’t taking the advice she’d normally dish out to her friends, then she’s making excuses for why she isn’t that into you.
  5. She’s overthinking it: Girls? Overthinking? Never! Yup, boys – you should realize that every text you send, number of kissy face emojis you include or even the duration between the texts are CLEARLY all tell-all signs of how much you like her. Trust me she’s freaking out about ALL of the above, so don’t give her any unnecessary reason to worry – a little bit of reassurance and clarity can work wonders. If all three of your Snapchat best friends are girls (total player) she’s definitely thinking now is the best time to run before she gets hurt.

Contrary to what you might be thinking though as I sit here insulting half of the male population for being too nice, it doesn’t mean being the nice guy won’t ever get you anywhere in life.

I’m not going to sit here and say we want the bad guy, because we’ve all been there, done that, thought we could be the one girl to change him. What I am saying though, is an air of mystery never hurt anyone. What’s dating in your 20’s without the thrill of the chase? As long as you’re on the same page, you can’t go wrong with a touch of mystery. After all, she doesn’t really know what she wants, so why don’t you be the one to show her?

Featured image via Gabb Tapic on Pexels


  1. Women these days offer little to zero return investment. They are more selective than surgeons and expel every single guy they date to be prince charming. Once they find a more attractive or financially successful mate, they will ditch the one their dating. It is the way of women and its why young men are giving up in alarming rates

    • I dont normally comment on these things after reading, but today is different i guess. Mostly to agree to how young guys like myself are giving up trying to get a girl. And now that im probably not going back to college anytime soon probably brought down my “worth”. For the most part, just seem like women now are just a bunch of clout chasers or whatever. I can never get over how girls tend to stay with those that give them hell. And it seems like women (for the most part) seem to know what they but in the end they dont haha. Guess they just seem like it until they find that financially successful or attractive person. But heck, i dont know what I want myself alot of the time, life wise.

    • I agree completely. I have been discarded twice by the same woman. As she runs around flaunting her life n just loves the attention. Also now acts snobby n stuck up. We were together for 8 years n had a baby. But that don’t matter to her. What matters is that her friends have new BF’s n she didnt

    • Not. All. Women. Get it right. Sure there are women who love attention and money- just let them be. You don’t have to bring them completely down just because they don’t fit what is nEcEsSaRY to what you feel is the golden truly perfect gf/wife. Trust me- barely any woman I’ve ever met would ever leave their S.O for someone with more money. I know I’d never do that. Its really not that hard to understand that not all women are the same. Goddamn I’m 14 and in a relationship and it actually seems like even adults are more childish than actually children when it comes to relationships.

      • You do realize these comments happened when you were 10 years old by that calculation? So perhaps enjoy your juvenile relationship, continue to treat people with respect and practice equality in and around you. More weight that way instead of spending your quarantine responding to venting of hurt men. Insecurity expressed through braised emotional expellings are all signs of immaturity and lack of self control…At 32 or at 14.

  2. I blame it on Disney and bad parenting I don’t know if is this country or a world thing, but the moment you raise your daughter as a princess you are already hurting her future and her perseption of reality… reality for women that would eventually starts kicking in when they reach their 30’s or plus and they realized they had many good opportunities but now the nice, polite, hard working man (not Prince Charming)they missed is now looking for a younger more fertile and suitable option.

  3. I’m in my late 30s and “women” have never been more difficult. They are too busy competing with men. Men, real men, not Millennial boys and girls, don’t want to compete at work – we just want to get the job done, and I’m in sales. We don’t need or want to show you everyday how great of a job were doing, are you frikin kidding me? We don’t need to have our efforts reinforced. I don’t need you to tell me I’m doing a good or great job, I KNOW I am. I’m more confident than anyone I know. More confident than a lion in heat, I don’t need reassurance, that’s what being a man is. That’s what attracts women. But not these “women”, I mean girls. Girls who don’t say anything when you say hello to them. Girls who actually make an EFFORT to not look in your direction when walking to and fro work. I mean how childish is that? And the worse offender? The smartphone addict who looks like she cant function without a device like a mental patient. And she is everywoman right now. You know how stupid you look when you’re at a street corner and the light turns red, and you clearly cant stand still for 20 seconds, so you pull out your phone swiping, swiping, always swiping. ADDICT!!! When did women/girls become so unsexy?

    You don’t want me to look at you? Fine. I won’t. I can make women laugh, I love their laughter. I love their company, each one is truly a precious gift from God. They are all Angels, and they are wonderful for the soul. But now, they are SOO into themselves, and SOOO jaded by the phone that many to me seem now so hopelessly unattractive…

    • True.
      It’s disappointing,all we can do is fuck them randomly,you cannot expect a good woman to appear.
      They are whores,free btw,
      A couple of drinks and she can be triple married ask suck your balls in the bar just fuckem,I make them laugh too,I’m super stable as well,actually I’m 32 and retired:).
      They are to dumb now and can’t handle guys like said it,they try to be men.
      So dumb it’s pathetic.
      If they wouldn’t ALL fight us for it and actually ignoledge the problem then change might happen.for now,porn is better:)

      • Oh hun I’m 99% sure you’ll never have to deal with a woman and that is probably a good thing considering your attitude and the way you see women. Real women want real men- not boy who call women whores/dumb/pathetic or say that they’re trying to be men and that they can’t handle ppl like you. No woman on earth would ever want to deal with you. The fact you admitted “hEy i’M 32 aND rEtIrED” says enough lmfao. Pack it up and move on bub.

  4. Same I’m 23 and dating a 20 year old who kinda doesn’t know herself or what she wants im came to the conclusion that imnot worried about it anymore I can try to show her what she wants and needs by being the best boy freind in the world and she can’t see that then it’s her loss and on to the next one for me not trying to sound like an asshole but us men can only go so far before we give trying so ladies I feel as though y’all really need to sit down and think about your lives and where you want it lead you cause that nice guy that you don’t know if you want or not isn’t gonna stick around forever

  5. I dont like the thrill of chasing girls. I dont like going to loud parties or clubs. I dont like meeting at expensive bars or coffee shops. And most importantly I dont like playing “games”. Over thinking and altering my personality to try and win a girl over. Every text, every duration between texts, every post or comment, every compliment or stare, every glare or smile, every scentence that comes out. Fuck that I wanna just be myself, and I want her to be herself. And I want to enjoy myself and not look at an angle for her to like me. Sadly picking up a girl that way is seemingly impossible. And thats what annoys me. Fuck games

  6. I looked for an article like this intentionally. Because from everything I’ve heard or read it seems like the logistics of picking up or getting with women seem VERY tedious.

    I wanted to see if there were other men like me (24 yo btw) that felt mentally fatigued at the thought of women.

    It’s almost like trying to pick up a magnet thats trying to repel the one you’re holding. Only for it to then flip itself around and smash your fucking finger.

    What do we do? I don’t just wanna fuck. I want love. But it seems impossible when women don’t even know what the hell they want.

  7. Never take advice from a girl how to understand a girl. Get confident and do what you want in life, and a girl will appear. Never lose focus of your goals and maintain a healthy body and mind. The rest comes natural.

  8. Also, never settle for less. I’m 26 and will only accept a virgin under 25 as my GF/Wife, why? Because i have options and wont let my principles crumble. What about the other girls? They are only good for sex, nothing more. Girls have only themselves to blame.

  9. Guys, don’t get depressed but it’s still going on during our 50’s ! Recently divorced I found myself thrust back in the awful dating scene and have encountered the same ‘ole thing that I experienced back in highschool with women/girls. I dated a women for two months who was totally into me and then without notice became extremely distant. When I asked her what was wrong she said that she wanted to now be courted and wined and dined. I was like “WHAAAAAAAT ??? ” Things were going great but as usual women sabotage all good relationships. I spent a fortune on this woman and treated her like gold. I eventually broke it off before it got messy. So in hindsight all of her girlfriends are also divorced and still single ( no boyfriends) and that one of her besties got into her head and told her “You deserve to be courted and wined and dined”. Misery loves company. In summation woman are all nuts and don’t know what they want and can’t handle when guys treat them well. Woman like to be treated like crap !

    • Women have to earn that title just like ‘men’ are required to have a laundry list of traits and items to compliment themselves.

      Women provide very little security and ruin most conversations by trying to play a victim while attacking the man who is trying to have a conversation.

      MOST women are terrible at being honest and exposed and are neurotic control freaks. They are absolutely dull and they know it because all they do to be interesting is use ‘charms and baubles’ taken from ‘intellectuals’ they think can act as ‘gate keepers’ for them because they do not want to responsibility of having to decide.

    • Eve?

      I know since Bathsheba.

      Married woman with a hunk of a soldier husband.

      Lays naked on the roof for the king to see.

      He sees and he likes and he fornicates.

      He kills the hubby to wed Bathsheba, only to have offspring that eat him up and spit him out.

      Does the bible ever say that I (errr… King David) is happy after the whole affair. Nope.

      Life ain’t no joke.

  10. This article affirms what we all knew already: women have no clue what they want, and therefore they can never ever be satisfied. Those two things to hand in hand.

  11. 37 now. Never married, dated a fair bit, banged about 7 women for months on end. They are headcases, my friends wives and girlfriends, the females in my family, women in work, women in bars and clubs, women at the library or a cafe, and women on dating apps. Many women are happy to just get attention online and bang random guys, and I’m happy to take advantage of that. It’s a joke. At a young age I wanted wife and children, now, no way, they are not mature enough or loyal enough to entertain that. Now it’s focus on my business, date girls, bang them, never live with or marry them. After looking about even many women agree with me when you catch them in an honest moment.

  12. Girls and boys. Be principled, don’t stand for bullshit, leave them if they turn up to be messing you about and say it like it is to educate, know yourself and be strong and good with your own company, don’t go fuck the stupid… you are then the problem!

    Don’t live in anger, don’t blame and generalise, don’t fall into doom and gloom mentality. Do be patient how ever long it takes.

    Also know that this is to a great degree a social situation that has been engineered by the powers that be to break and control us, as well as being one of the strategies in reducing population numbers. This is a big task to understand how it is done and to see through the manipulation and leads to many more realisations about the reality of this world.

    Being a man is about facing up! Step by step…do not let it get to you.

    Do seek to understand, educate self and encourage others back on the right path. Do look for solutions to rebuild strong community bonds. People are being brainwashed, kept dumb and entertained and we have to see it and expose it and work with others, which obviously includes both sexes, to fight it.

    Keep on loving

  13. I have never read so many self-righteous group of entitled whiny brats. Understand that women owe you nothing. If you’re meeting women who aren’t satisfied with you, maybe understand, it’s not about her being insatiable but more about you not being enough. Not every woman is still going to tell it like it is and why she doesn’t like you, so instead they’ll take the “I don’t know” road, which unfortunately plays into the stereotype that women don’t know what they want. If you don’t want to waste your own time, be upfront with who you are and what it is you’re seeking. It will definitely eliminate a good amount of people you wouldn’t want in your life.


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