Breakups are almost always premeditated. One minute you swear you’re going to end it, but the second your person shows any sign of changing (or shows up naked with beer), you take it back and call yourself crazy for planning otherwise. That is, until you feel like you’re on the never ending ferris wheel from relationship hell.
How much up and down can one person take? The easiest way to get what you want would be to take a break. That way you temporarily give each other the space you need, but still have the comfort of knowing that in a short month’s time, you can rekindle the flame. Now, I don’t mean to burst your bubble, lover boy, but all you do by pausing a ferris wheel is continue to sit in the same car, with the same girl, for however long it takes to fix the ride. You get antsy waiting for an answer that’s impossible to figure out unless you first step off the one-way wheel. Awkward. In other words, breaks are bullshit. By the time you want to get back together, you’re either not on the same page or too unforgiving of the things she did when you were apart. So you break up. Only problem is, you’re still in love.
The thought of getting back together is hard wired into you. You’re holding onto memories that are keeping you so much on the fence that it becomes hard to distinguish if things really were that good, or if you’re just painting the bad with a rosy hue.
Now I don’t know you, and I sure as hell don’t know your relationship, but what I do know are the main reasons people drift apart even if they seem right together. So if you’re sitting there lonely and going back and forth between sending that text message and playing QuizUp, give these reasons a read and challenge me in World Capitals.
The Pleasure Principle
Walking away when risk outweighs reward is very common. It might happen after excessive arguing over petty things tat she doesn’t like about you or simply feeling like you could feel better about yourself and your achievements if you choose not to disclose much to her. Your relationship felt like work, and not just the normal amount of give and take, but the kind that makes you question on a daily basis of whether or not it’s even worth it.
Women get labeled as testy b-words. We ask a lot of questions. Why? Because we feel the need to make sure we’re on the same emotional playing field as our guy 100% of the time, with questions being our go-to tactic of emotional mastery. It’s fine if she asks questions, but not to the point that you’re always on your toes, feel the need to tell her every detail of every day, or feel your relationship is threatened because small problems turn into emotional landmines. With this to constantly worry about, it’s no surprise that you walked away, as this is just a sign of things to come when REAL outside tests of the relationship (distance, new careers, etc.) come into the picture.
Loss of Attraction
The best foundation of a relationship is friendship. You cannot be in love with someone you aren’t first and foremost friends with. Otherwise, we call that lust — and leaving someone over lust makes you an asshole because you shouldn’t have gotten into the relationship from the beginning. (This is also her fault for getting involved, so she’s kind of an asshole too). But say that you’ve been in a relationship with your friend+lover doing things the right way, and still feel that loss of connection. It’s no one’s fault. It’s just time moving along, causing you to forget why you’re together. Blunt, but it happens — and this is when the relationship just feels like work for no reason.
Yikes, a stage-five clinger! You may notice you’re with one of these when her friends become distant, your phone is always lit up, she’s always free to spend time with you, and/or your friends become her only friends. Guys can be just as guilty of this as we are — but the article is addressed to men, so relax. Never has anyone said that they were so turned on by their partner needing them. As fire needs air, air needs space. When your lady doesn’t give herself that space to be independent and doing what she’s passionate about, she loses that elusive yet familiar feel that made you fall in love with her from the get-go. Never lose your own source of happiness.
You’re at different points in your life, and trying to keep the middle ground bridged is hard to do when you have so much less in common than before. You struggle to find time to talk, but when you do, you struggle to find topics to talk about. It’s no wonder relationships like this come to an end. It’s awkward, and unfortunately easier to lose the connection. Stay tuned for my next article on “Winning Back an Ex.”