While I was In high school, I met a breathtaking 22-year-old Navy sailor docked in San Diego, California. He was every woman’s fantasy, with looks like the legendary, blue-eyed film star, Steve McQueen—only better. Oozing with physical appeal, he was kind, fun, gentlemanly, and the man of my dreams.
To my great surprise, the sailor told friends he thought I was cute and asked me out on a date. The next day, he called to ask if I would like to take a tour of his Navy ship. We scheduled our date for one month out when his ship would be returning back to San Diego. With excruciating excitement, I marked off each day on the calendar, imagining a storybook future.
Could this really be happening to me? Well…actually…no.
Three days before our date, my sailor called to tell me the ship’s schedule had been revised and it would not be docking in San Diego that week after all. My heart sank in agony. Despite his sincere reassurance that he would take me on the tour the next time they docked in San Diego, I felt I would never see him again.
As months passed, I was devastated to learn that he had “met someone.” The words felt like icy saltwater.
My story is reminiscent of the classic maritime folklore tale of the woman on a windy cliff scanning the horizon for the ship that never returns with her sweetheart. But this tale actually originated from real centuries-old seafaring cultures of the European North Atlantic when ships were sometimes lost at sea forever. Often portrayed in paintings, we’ve used it as an enduring metaphor for an unexpected lost dream, but also for a woman moving on with her life.
I repeatedly asked myself what quality some lovely “Lorelei” possessed that beguiled my sailor from returning, but that was to remain a mystery.
Regardless of the circumstances, many of us have dealt with unrequited love before, and it hurts. If you’ve suffered a romantic rejection from a man, here are three pieces of advice that can help you release that lost dream and create a different future:
1. See Yourself as Equal to an Impressive Man
Dating coach Jason Silver’s video, “How to be Truly Confident Around High-Quality Men,” recommends that you see yourself as equal to the man you’re pursuing. With this objective viewpoint, you’ll find it easier to accept that you just might not have been as compatible with Mr. Right as some other girl was. You could have preferences, values, opinions, personality factors, or interests that just didn’t match as perfectly as someone else’s did. You didn’t fail – you’re just not as compatible!
2. Exhibit True Confidence
Sometimes, when we’re very young, we haven’t developed the confidence that comes through experience. Confidence helps us present our genuine identities and make us secure enough to interact with poise, good conversation, and even kindness.
Men find confidence highly attractive. That confidence comes from believing in your own journey—not in other people’s acceptance or even your looks. My “super stud” sailor may have found an older girl more charming if she already felt more comfortable in her own skin than I did at 17.
3. Progress Towards Achievements
You may not have other guys to fall back on when your dream man bails, but your other activities should always restore a sense of forward movement. Join a class, write a poem for someone, produce a YouTube tutorial, or learn a new language. Progressively engage in skill building or creative expression so that you don’t wait for just one person or goal to fill your life. In other words, always have other “ships” that empower you to master visible progress towards meaningful achievements.
Maritime folklore rarely mentioned the countless ships that eventually entered the harbor, only the one that never returned. We, too, become fixated on that one person who never returned.
Even as one ship or dream disappears into the mist, others are rising in the distant horizon, offering a different future. Eventually, my college drama class was the “ship” that brought me an exciting new man who changed my life.
When yours arrives, have the confidence, sense of equality, and ongoing life achievements to navigate the opportunity gracefully!
Featured image frank minjarez on Pexels
