I’m Done Making Excuses For You

I’m done making excuses for you.

I don’t care that you’re my parent anymore, or raised me, or claim to be accepting of me. Your actions show that you’re not a person I want in my life anymore.

I tried to work things out. I’ve compromised, and to be fair, you have, too. But you don’t seem to get it. The way you’re acting keeps pushing me further and further away. And even after I explain why that’s happening, have talked about it multiple times, and you’re aware of my values, you still keep up the same old act and don’t know why I’m distant.

It’s like you look in the mirror but refuse to see who or what’s there. If you had even an inkling of empathy, of putting yourself in others’ shoes, you’d understand why I feel the way I do, and why I’ve put up my boundaries regarding our interactions, period. You would recognize the patterns in the former friends and even family members you’ve pushed away with your abrasive, obnoxious, and self-righteous attitude. 

I’m done making excuses and hiding who you are. Bad behavior should be called out, and I’m doing that, no matter who you are.

It’s not even like this is new. This has been going on for years, since I was a child. And yet it’s like you forget what you even did half the time. Sure, you point out the obvious stuff like emotional abuse and general assholery behavior, but you haven’t changed, not really. You seemed to be doing better in therapy, but you stopped doing that, and you haven’t gone back. 

You say you’re not making excuses for your behavior, but you are. 

Why else would you point out your mental illnesses, your childhood trauma, or anything else that’s happened to you? But it’s not an excuse. I have all those things too, but the difference between me and you is that I’m willing to work on myself. I’m in therapy. I’m doing the work to better myself so that I am proud of who I am, and that I know I’m treating others with the dignity and respect they deserve. That’s something you still refuse to do. It’s like you’re afraid of accountability, genuinely cannot see it, or refuse to. Either way, I’m done putting up with it. 

You’re my parent, and I’ll always love you, but that doesn’t mean I have to like you.

You don’t seem to understand that, if we weren’t related, I wouldn’t be talking to you right now, or ever. I would have cut you out of my life years ago, moved years ago, if you weren’t my parent. We wouldn’t even be having half the conversations and arguments we did have if we had no blood relation. I won’t be itching to spend time with you during the holidays or even for a regular phone call because you keep acting like this. 

And that’s why this relationship is over.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re that one parent who says, “Why won’t my children talk to me anymore?” when the signs are loud and blaring, and have been there for years. 

I can’t change you, and I don’t want to make you change; that’s up to you, after all. But since you keep acting like this, don’t be surprised when I’m no longer in your life.  Don’t be surprised when I don’t post happy Father’s Day posts on social media about you. Frankly, I don’t care that you “raised me” or whatever else you think you did. I don’t care about the “sacrifices” you made. 

That’s what parents are supposed to do.

I used to worry about how my friends would see you and me with the way you behave. But now I’m not. I have no interest or desire to defend you, not anymore. Not because I don’t want to, but because I can’t. I can’t compromise my values by ignoring problematic behavior just because that person is related to me. That’s not how this works.

I’m done with making excuses for your behavior. And that’s all there is to it.

Photo by Drew Coffman on Unsplash