My Love Language Is Trying

We’ve all heard of love languages. Words of affirmation. Acts of service. Quality time. Physical touch. Gifts.
And for the longest time, I couldn’t figure out which love language was mine — because honestly? I feel like so many of them apply to me. I like being shown love in a lot of different ways. I’m not that hard to please.

But then I came across this quote one night, and it stopped me cold:

“My love language is trying.
My love language is ‘this made me think of you.’
My love language is a plate of cut-up fruit that you didn’t have to ask for.
My love language is someone saying ‘go on’ after you were interrupted.
My love language is noticing.
My love language is ‘let me know when you get home safe.’
My love language is believing someone when they show you who they are.”
— Şeyda Noir

And I was like—wait.
That. That’s mine.

Because trying? That’s what love looks like to me.

It’s not some big romantic gesture with fireworks and a handwritten poem. It’s not someone sweeping me off my feet in a movie-scene kind of way. I mean, sure, that stuff’s cute. But it’s not what gets me.

Trying is.

Trying when you don’t have to.
Trying when no one’s watching.
Trying even when it’s inconvenient.
Trying because you care enough to make the effort.

That’s what I notice.

If you love me, you’re probably sending me random links. 

Sending me “this reminded me of you” texts. Showing up with a coffee I didn’t ask for. Letting me finish my sentence when I get cut off — even if the moment has passed already. Especially then.

You’re probably noticing things about me that most people miss.
Like the way my voice shifts when something’s off.
Or the fact that I always circle back to that one topic when I’m trying not to talk about the real thing.
Or how I pretend I’m fine when I’m very much not.

That’s what gets through to me. That’s what feels like love.

And I give love the same way.

If I care about you, you’ll know.
I’ll check in. I’ll listen. I’ll remember the little things — not because I’m keeping score, but because you matter to me.
You won’t have to wonder where you stand.
Because even if I don’t say it all the time, I try.

I’ll bring you snacks.
I’ll make sure you made it home okay.
I’ll sit with you in silence when words won’t land right.
I’ll be the one who circles back and says, “Hey, earlier — you didn’t finish what you were saying.”

It’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. But if I’m loving you, I’m trying. And you’ll feel it.

And yeah, that last line in the quote? That one hit different.

“My love language is believing someone when they show you who they are.”

Because I’ve also learned the hard way that love means not just noticing when someone shows you love — but also when they don’t.
It means not pretending they meant well when they clearly didn’t.
It means stopping the cycle of making excuses for people who consistently show you their effort doesn’t match their words.

That part’s harder for me. I’m the “let’s give it one more shot” type.
But I’m learning. I’ve had to.

I’ve realized that if I’m constantly the one trying, and they’re constantly the one receiving — that’s not love. That’s an imbalance. That’s me doing the emotional labor for both of us.

And that’s not the kind of love I want anymore.

So yeah — my love language is trying.
It’s noticing.
It’s showing up.
It’s paying attention to the small stuff.
It’s “text me when you get home.”
It’s “You okay?”
It’s “I picked this up for you because I thought it might make you smile.”

It’s not fancy. It’s not always loud.
But it’s real.

And if I’ve ever loved you, really loved you — you’ve felt it.

Featured image via Jennifer Murray on Pexels