I have a long list of illnesses that leave me extremely immunocompromised.
I’m not only afraid to leave my home, though. I’m also afraid to see my doctors because the hospital is like ground zero for the COVID-19 pandemic. Therefore, I forgo testing, procedures, check ups, and therapy, all of which I desperately need.
In other words, I feel like someone under house arrest — stuck in some crazy limbo I cannot escape from.
My agoraphobia is back with a vengeance, but this time around, it’s valid. It’s no longer just my anxiety making me think the worst because the worst is literally playing out before our eyes. Friends of mine who embody the stereotypical picture of health almost lost their lives to this virus. So what does that say for me?
I almost died while giving birth last year. Now I fear that the reaper is breathing down my neck. The chances of me beating death again are slim, and that is terrifying.
What’s most upsetting to me is the out-of-control selfishness of so many people in our country. Would COVID still be an issue even if everyone wore a mask and practiced social distancing? Absolutely. But the fact of the matter is that our country continues to see large numbers of cases because people refuse any guidelines that feel mildly inconvenient.
People say the virus is a hoax and that mask mandates impede on their “rights.” People also use phrases like, “This virus is only killing the elderly and the immunocompromised.”
Well, I’m immunocompromised, and I have rights, too! Doesn’t my life matter?
However, I don’t just blame the citizens of our country. Our own president downplayed this very serious virus — and that’s extremely irresponsible. Yet President Trump continues to provide a horrible example by telling us that masks don’t help.
Science doesn’t lie, though. This virus is very real, and it’s killed over 200,000 people. Scientific evidence proves that wearing a mask and social distancing is indeed the responsible thing to do.
I’ve never feared death quite as much as I do now. Giving birth to my daughter gave me the will to fight much harder than I ever have. But does that will to live matter if nobody else cares?
I know that the pandemic makes everyone feel lonely — and people like me already lived that way well before COVID-19 began. Trust me, I miss my friends and all the little things we all took for granted, too. So when will it all be enough for everyone to take this seriously and take the proper precautions to save lives? Maybe you think you’re invincible, and the death toll is just a number to you, but those 200,000 people meant the world to someone — and I mean the world to someone, too.
Previously published on The Mighty.
Featured Photo via Pexels.