When I Say ‘I Miss You,’ This Is What I Really Mean

When I say I miss you, what I mean is that, every little thing reminds me of you.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is that, I see you.

I always see you. I see you in every lovely summer day, in the morning sun, and when the dusk is slowly descending, when my surroundings are beginning to fill with long shadows. I see you with every song I sing. Each song reminds me of your beautiful and lovely eyes. Each song brings a certain glow. I see you in every cup of coffee I smell every morning. I see you in my dreams. And when I wake up in the morning, I am seeing your beautiful face, even though it isn’t physically there.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is that, I dream of you.

I can’t hold you. I can’t touch you. I can’t feel your warm embrace because of the distance between us. It scares me when I find the other side of my bed empty with no one to hold and it terrifies me of not knowing when I’m going to have your arms wrapped around my body again. But I know that even though we are miles apart, we still share the same vault of heaven. I want you to know when I say I miss you, what I mean is that, I dream of you each night. I dream of you kissing and holding me.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is that, I’m wishing.

I’m wishing that one day, there will be no huge gap, no hours, no ocean, and mountains that will ever separate you from me and we will both lie down underneath the stars, making promises that you and I will never be apart anymore. I’m wishing that there will be no more goodbyes because each time I utter the word, I die a little.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is that, I’m happy.

You make me feel genuinely happy every time I think of you. I’m happy because your absence in my life makes my heart grow fonder. I am happy when I listen to the sound of the wind and hear its breeze like you are softly whispering your love to me. The happiness is in me every time I hear your breathing over the phone 4,921 miles away from me.

When I say I miss you, what I mean is I crave you.

Your absence makes me crave your touch, your lips softly touching mine. I miss you when your lips don’t touch mine. I miss you when I can’t smell you. I miss you when I can’t see you around, staring at me. I always long for the way your body radiates into mine and how the embers of your heart glow with love and happiness in each moment when we’re together doing things that we love. 

When I say I miss you, what I mean is that, I remember you.

In the most desperate moments, I remember everything; what you said, what you did, and just how much of me that belongs to you. I always remember when the sun sets at 5. It always comes to my mind the tangy and elusive scents that fill my nostrils and tease my senses. Every time it rains, I remember you. I remember the sweet smile of yours that could make anyone’s day just by how lovely it looks. I always remember the keen details of your body. I remember those late cold nights; our bed somewhere there with those crumpled sheets and soft pillows around us. I remember waking up beside you every morning, waking up with your touch and waking up with the sound of your voice. 

And did I ever tell you that when I say I miss you, what I mean is I need you because I love you?

I honestly love you. I really do. And I won’t stop missing you until you’re in my arms again.

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

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