Dear Charlotte Rae,
I am writing this as you currently have the hiccups in my belly. You seem to get those a lot, which makes me think you will take after me in that sense. We have about 4.5 months left until we get to bring you into this world, and your Daddy and I could not be any more excited to meet you. But until then, I will just sit here and wish that I could speed this up, to help you grow faster, to get you out of my belly and into my arms as soon as humanly possible.
Then I stop and remember, you are going to be rushed your entire life, so why not let you have these last few months to take your time?
From the very first second you open your little eyes, everything is a race for time at that point. It is a race to get you out, to cut your umbilical cord, get you weighed, get you vaccinated, clean you off, get you onto my boob for your first feeding. It is going to be completely overwhelming for all of us, you will scream your freshly-developed little lungs out, as you should. From that moment on, there is no more cuddling up in my belly, swimming from side to side stretching your little legs and arms out, or practicing ninja moves on my bladder. You go from your worries being all on me, but the second you are outside my belly, you will have a whole new set of problems that we will have to face together, as a family.
This is where your father and I come in. I know you hear his voice and you might even be able to feel his warm hands when he tries to feel you kick and squirm inside me.
You are our first kid together, and it is kind of scary to think that in just a couple of short months, we will be in charge of keeping a tiny human alive. Sure, we have your big sister Payleigh, and I know your father is capable of keeping a person alive, but this is a brand new experience for me. I have held babies, babysat, changed diapers, played with babies that were not mine. But to have one that belongs to us? It is terrifying, but I could not be more anxious to experience it.
Shortly after we found out we were pregnant we heard your little heart beating when you were just 12 weeks along. My body was no longer just mine – it was ours. It was the only thing giving you life. We did not know much about you back then, but one thing we did know was that you were alive, and hearing the sound of your heartbeat was enough to change our lives in order to create the very best one for you.
The most shocking part about being pregnant with you was that we found out you were a little girl, I will be completely honest though, everyone (your father and myself included) thought you were going to be a little boy. Nevertheless, we were still over the moon about you and still are. God, we love you so much already, it is almost unreal. Finding out you were a girl made us question what you might look like – brown hair like both of us, chubby cheeks, a button nose, and big blue eyes like Mom, or beautiful brown eyes and a perfect smile like Dad. Would you be feisty like Mom or would you be laid back and roll with the punches like Dad? We have thought about all the milestones we are bound to face, all the protection you will need (Daddy is already preparing the 6-foot holes in the backyard for future ex-boyfriends, sorry but you will thank us later for this).
There are a lot of things we will be in charge of and expected to teach you. We have no way of knowing what the future holds, but all I can tell you is we will do everything we can to keep you safe and keep you loved. We will teach you about life, working hard and not giving up, and being kind to others. We will teach about respect, friendship, and forgiveness. We will teach you how to be strong, to never blame the world for your problems, and that you can always make your voice heard, no matter how small you are baby girl.
But the most important lesson we will ever teach you is that you are so completely loved by us and you will never be alone.
Sure, there will be times where you totally hate me and your father (probably over some boy or because we said you are not allowed to go to so-and-so’s party), but even when it feels like the whole world is against you, know that we will always be there for you no matter what. We love you so much already, and we are only getting started.
You may not understand why I am going to say this next thing, but… thank you.
Thank you for bringing a whole new sense of purpose and meaning to our lives. Thank you for every kick, punch, and hiccup that reassures me you are okay in there. Thank you for bringing your Daddy and me closer together, being the reason we love each other more, even when we thought that was not humanly possible. Thank you for making us smile every single day, knowing soon enough we will hear you call us “Mommy” and “Daddy” before we know it. Thank you for being our little ray of sunshine already.
Thank you for being the most beautiful thing in our lives. We may not know every detail of your little face yet, but you are nothing short of a miracle… and miracles are always beautiful.
We seriously can not wait to meet you, Charlotte.
Originally published on Hiccups & Sunshine