Swallowing rejection can be so slow and painful when it comes from the lips of the lover you fought for. But I must admit, being turned down has never felt so sweet. You see, the best thing that you ever did to me was break up with me.
When the phone rang, I picked up solemnly and to be honest, I was tired. I was tired of the small talk, and the way we beat around the bush about the real issues in our relationship. I was tired of the short breaks of smiles in between the tornadoes of tears. I was exhausted from settling but still I lay, wide awake with faith. Because I had faith that we could fight any battle life threw at us, and I had faith that any speed bump we crashed over would have insurance to cover it. I had faith that we could find a way to stay in love, but truthfully, I was blind to the fact that we had never fallen in love at all.
You dumped me, and it hurt. You said you couldn’t take it anymore and that I’d be better off without you. I screamed at the idea that you thought this was what I wanted, and I promised you my optimism as I sniffled, “We’ll be okay.”
But we both knew we wouldn’t. And we both knew “okay” wasn’t what we really wanted. I was simply struggling to admit it. For the girls without the strength to leave, you are not weak. You are not pathetic.
You are not stuck here in this storm.
Maybe you needed that push to go and maybe your mind says you’re not ready for this kind of change. But just because he dumped you doesn’t mean that this won’t be the saving grace that gives you the future you deserve. Because he broke up with me, I found myself. I found the girl who didn’t need a man to give her a life of love. Although it took time to figure it out, I learned how to love myself. I learned how to love without you, or him, or them. With his devastating rejection, came my promise of care.
I now care not only about the next boy to sweep me off my feet, but I also care about who is holding the broom. I care about my feelings in my relationships, and I care about my heart as it tries to tell me no. We must be content with the concept that being alone isn’t settling, and you’ll learn soon that nothing good starts until you accept what was already meant to end. Who leaves who is not the big picture. Who walks away stronger is.
Featured image via Jill Lansky.