Published by Monica Lesar.
Happy Fourth of July, aka America’s favorite holiday. It’s a glorious day when you can yell AMERICA out of a moving car and people on the street will yell back FUCK YEAH without even a second thought. You get the day off to drink beer, grill burgers, and rep the red white and blue. Just make sure you’re not dressed exactly like everyone else at the barbecue. Here are a few quick tips to help you stand out this Independence Day!
1. DON’T SHOP AT URBAN OUTFITTERS This will guarantee that you will show up in the same flag socks and muscle tee as every other basic bitch at the party. Take it from an Urban employee, the week of the 4th is just a constant flow of customers asking for patriotic socks. And guess what people? WE’RE OUT! Because they were all purchased by wanna-be-hipsters like you.
2. DON’T BE BASIC If you do decide to shop at Urban Outfitters, don’t buy the same shit that everyone else is buying. Choose something different. Don’t go for that men’s tank with the flag graphic on it because every other college-aged dude who walks in there is buying that same tank. Go for the witty “Political Party” t-shirt instead. Our Founding Fathers playing beer pong? What could be more American than that?
3. DO IT YOURSELF If you want to take your look to the next level, you need to DIY or you will definitely have an awkward twin moment with someone else who bought the same red white and blue bucket hat at the mall last week. Be sure to stand out by creating your own unique style that no one else will copy.
For my ladies out there:
First, hit up your neighborhood Value Village for some vintage Levis. Turn those bitches into cutoff shorts and distress them with a razorblade and some sandpaper. Then decorate them according to your artistic ability. I would go with tie-dye cause it’s pretty hard to fuck up, but if you happen to be an art major or just painted one too many away weekend coolers, paint the back pockets in a patriotic fashion. USE YOUR IMAGINATION PEOPLE.
Second, hit up Michael’s or A.C. Moore to buy fake flowers to make yourself a DIY flower crown. Everyone knows basic bitches love flower crowns. But if you make your own, you won’t LOOK like a basic bitch and you’ll save yourself some money so you have more to spend on beer and illegal fireworks.
For my fellas out there: You should also hit up your local thrift town and find yourself an old classic rock t-shirt. Bruce Springsteen anyone? A little Aerosmith? While you’re at it, find yourself a denim jacket, cut the sleeves off and you’re ready to go!
Now you’re ready to go enjoy your Independence Day in style, and get drunk in the spirit of American tradition! Budweiser, anyone?