I Think We Need To Ruin The Friendship

Taylor Swift’s new song, “Ruin the Friendship,” has taken over my For You page lately — and honestly, it hits a little too close to home.

The song is rumored to be about Swift’s late friend, Jeff Lang, and she confesses that she wishes that she had declared her feelings for him before his passing. Swift sings about that terrifying, beautiful line between friendship and something more.

And lately, I can’t stop thinking that maybe I need to “ruin the friendship” too.

Our laughter, our inside jokes, our “almost” moments when it feels like we could become a couple — do you feel the same way that I do? Whenever I see you, my entire day improves. My excitement about seeing you lingers for days after, like I’m still floating from the high of being near you.

All these years, we’ve danced around our true feelings. We’ve exchanged stolen glances, long hugs, and subtle touches that last a second too long. Once, we even almost kissed. My heart pounded as your eyes met mine, and suddenly, the world went silent. But at the last second, I stepped away from you. I told myself that I didn’t kiss you because it wasn’t the right time or place, but really, I worried that kissing you would change our friendship forever.

You chuckled and let my avoidance slide, but I regretted not kissing you the second that I decided not to kiss you. Two people who are just friends don’t almost kiss, and I wanted to explore what we could become.

You and I have shared other, similar moments too — insignificant blips in time to anyone else, but memorable, meaningful interactions to me. One time, we stood outside and talked for hours, knowing that both of our lives were about to change. That day, I wanted to tell you how I truly felt about you, but I couldn’t get the words out. I was terrified that if I didn’t confess my feelings in the “right” way, then I’d lose you.

Maybe that’s the worst part of where we are — knowing that silence can be just as dangerous as saying too much.

What if you’ve felt the same way about me all along? What if you’ve been scared to speak up too? What if we’re both standing on the edge of friendship and romance, waiting for each other to take the leap?

If we never tell each other how we truly feel, we’ll never know if we could be the perfect couple.

I’ve told myself hundreds of times that it’s safer for us to stay friends. I convince myself that I’d rather keep you as “just a friend” than risk losing you forever. But lately, that sense of safety feels like a cage. When I think about us, I realize that I’m less afraid of losing you than of never knowing what we could become.

What if you’re the one, but we’re both too afraid to admit it?

The older I get, the more I realize that the best things in life don’t come from playing it safe. And when I think of you, I don’t see safety. I see possibility. I see something real.

I keep hearing one particular line from Taylor’s Swift’s song in my head: “My advice is always ‘ruin the friendship.’” “Ruining the friendship” sounds messy, reckless, and maybe even stupid. But it also sounds honest. It sounds brave.

And that’s what I want to do now — to be brave with you.

You already know me better than anyone else does. You know how to cheer me up when I’m down, how to know when my laugh is real, and how I overthink everything but still try to act like I don’t. You’ve seen every side of me — the good, the chaotic, the sad — and you’ve always stayed.

Yes, I’m terrified to lose you, but I’m even more terrified to live with regret. I don’t want to run into you one day years from now, both of us pretending we’re fine and wondering what if.

I don’t want to look back and wish that I had been braver.

I think that we need to “ruin the friendship.” We owe it to ourselves to see what could happen if we stop pretending that we don’t have feelings for each other.

If you feel the same way — if your heart’s struggling with this same debate — then maybe it’s time that we both stop being scared of taking our friendship to the next level.

Just promise me that if we take this leap, you won’t break my heart. After all, I’ve waited too long to tell you how I feel about you — and I think that you might be the one.

Featured image via Helena Lopes on Pexels