We’ve all been there — you broke up with your ex a while ago and for a good reason, but the urge to randomly call or text them keeps welling up in you. It feels almost uncontrollable. Whether it’s the long history you share, all the secrets they’ve kept, or their ability to comfort you, you keep recycling their memory in your mind during your toughest times.
However, it’s just not worth going back to your ex. You can find many healthier ways to cope with missing them.
Why does the thought of going back to your ex even surface in our minds? The history and love you shared with the person is something common to reflect on. Thinking about all the positive memories you made and how they made you feel when your relationship was at its best can cause you to want to pick up that cell phone and text them, or stalk them on social media while you are in bed at 3 a.m. Going back to your ex can stem from being lonely and even pure desperation for emotional and physical connection.
The key advice to remember despite all of these things is to never settle.
There is a reason why you and your ex aren’t together now, especially if you were the one to make the cut. Think about why you split in the first place. Reconciliation may not be the answer if you are rekindling for the wrong reasons.
There are lots of conflicting emotions when thinking about your ex. You likely still find them attractive, and it might bother you to think about them being with another person. They might be doing the things you used to do together, creating a bond you once shared with them.
Replaying memories in your head of them may cause you to think that you are still in love with them long after you’ve broken things off. When these emotions arise, the best way to fight them off is to think logically.
Go back to the key reasons for the breakup.
As a hypothetical scenario, let’s say your ex was unfaithful to you. That’s a good reason to break up with someone, and likely something that hurt you very much. Logically, you can reason that it wouldn’t be a good idea to get back with that person because the likelihood of it happening again is higher.
Forgiving them after everything is good to let go of resentment and negative emotions. But forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean it should result in rekindling. Whether you ended the relationship because of cheating or any other scenario that was detrimental to you, remember why you broke up with them in the first place.
Staying grounded in your decision and not backpedaling will make for a stronger you! Breakups hurt and can take time for us to heal, but we can’t heal if we plan on reopening the wound. Surround yourself with a trusted group of friends or family that will help reinforce your decision and keep you focused on healing.