Let’s Stop Praising Men For Their Body Count While Shaming Women

Sex is a hot topic in our society. There’s no wonder — it’s fun, exciting, romantic, and ground-shaking. It can be intimate, creating a special, unbreakable bond between two lovers, but it can also be an adventure, teaching you your wants and needs. 

Many people choose to have sex on the first date, but nevertheless, it is a controversial choice. If you choose to have sex on the first date, people may wrongly judge your intentions and character. And speaking as someone who does, in fact, have sex on the first date, here’s what you should really know about my choices:

Yes, I have sex on the first date, but that doesn’t make me want a relationship any less. 

I’m looking for a connection. If I find a spark with someone, and we connect deeply, then, by all means, let’s get undressed and lose ourselves in each other. Unless both of us specifically agree to keep the relationship casual, having sex on the first date doesn’t mean that we can’t choose to have a serious relationship. Sleeping with someone early on won’t change how I feel about someone. 

Yes, I have sex on the first date, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve respect. 

It takes two to tango, so if I don’t lose respect for you for having sex on the first date, you don’t get to lose respect for me, either. There’s something truly powerful and confidence-boosting about owning your sexuality. I refuse to let others criticize me for leaning into passion and embracing my sexual side.  As a woman, I deserve to be treated with the same level of respect as any man who has sexual encounters on the first date.

Yes, I have sex on the first date, but it doesn’t mean I’m promiscuous. 

Just because I choose to get physically involved with someone when we first meet each other doesn’t make me unfaithful or “less than.” I have feelings, desires, and needs, just like any other human being. I’m simply choosing to exercise my right to indulge in sexual experiences. Even if I sleep with someone on the first date, I won’t jump to another partner tomorrow. Being sexually open doesn’t mean being disrespectful.

And just because I have sex on the first date doesn’t mean I will have sex with you.

Sex is exciting, but it’s also intimate — we need to have a connection. It can anything from being attracted to someone and simply wanting to hookup to having strong feelings for someone that you want to pursue a real relationship with. Whatever that connection is for you is your personal matter, but it’s always there. So, I won’t always have sex on the first date. So don’t assume. Don’t make me feel like I’m “easy” because that couldn’t be further from the truth. Yes, I have sex on the first date, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings.

Originally published on Thought Catalog

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash


  1. You’re putting way too much thought into this. Do what you do, enjoy it, and don’t be defensive.

    Some men like what others might call a “slut.” I certainly do. I married one and wouldn’t change a thing about her.

  2. Oh please. Getting sex as a women is easy, that’s why it’s not celebrated. Getting sex as a man is very hard. That’s why it’s celebrated (even if it’s not preferable). I don’t understand the confusion. It seems to me women are upset they don’t get celebrated for taking the easy route. Who cheers for the guy who can bench 15 pounds? lol


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