You’re in a new relationship, and everything is blissful. You’re in the honeymoon stage, so you see the world through rose-colored glasses. However, curiosity about your new boyfriend’s ex keeps nudging at your subconscious until you can’t ignore the urge to ask him about his ex any longer.
Learning about your significant other’s past relationships could help bring you both closer together in your current relationship. You may gain a new understanding of your boyfriend’s insecurities and how to help him move past them. But also remember that you want to ask your boyfriend about some potentially painful things, so you should proceed with care. If your new S.O. doesn’t want to talk about his past relationship, don’t pressure him, and respect his right to say “no.”
Here are all of the questions you should (and the ones you shouldn’t) ask your partner about his ex:
How long his last relationship was.
It’s understandable to want to know how long your boyfriend’s last relationship lasted and how serious it was. Asking this question can reveal how much your boyfriend is willing to commit.
How long ago his last relationship ended.
If your boyfriend’s relationship was serious and it ended recently, it could be too soon for him to jump into a new relationship. You’ll want to be sure that your partner is emotionally ready to commit to a budding relationship.
Why his last relationship ended.
Although it might be hard for your boyfriend to think about why his last relationship went South, it’s important for you to know what happened so that you can help alleviate your boyfriend’s fears about his relationship with you. For example, if an ex’s cheating ended your boyfriend’s last relationship, you show that you are trustworthy and faithful.
Whether he was sexually active with his ex.
This question will help you learn how much sexual experience your partner has, which could set the pace for the relationship. Also, if your boyfriend has slept with anyone else, it’s extra important practice safe sex to avoid getting STDs or STIs that he could have picked up from a previous partner.
Whether he loved his ex.
This question is unnecessary, and it might dredge up some painful memories that your significant other might not want to relive. If your boyfriend was in a long-term relationship, he most likely did love his ex or at least was very fond of her. Remember that your boyfriend’s love for his ex doesn’t affect his love for you.
If the sex was good.
This question will likely make your boyfriend extremely uncomfortable. What your partner did in the bedroom with his ex should remain private. Plus, what worked for your guy and his previous partner may not be right for the two of you.
Whether you’re better in bed/prettier/more loved than his ex.
Don’t ask any question that compares yourself to your boyfriend’s ex. You’re a different person than she is. Asking these types of questions can make you spiral when all you want is to be happy with your significant other. Plus, these questions will likely make your S.O. feel extremely uncomfortable.
If you choose to ask your new boyfriend about his ex, remember that you may be jumping into sensitive territory. Use these rules to decide what’s appropriate to ask your new partner, and leave the rest of your questions in your head. When you think about what to ask your boyfriend in advance, you can skip the discomfort and instead focus on building a wonderful relationship.