In a world where dating games are so common, it’s really hard to find decent people who are looking for something serious. Sadly, the “nice” guys of the world aren’t always the way they initially seem. In fact, quite often the most abusive people hide behind a mask of disingenuous kindness. That’s how they’re able to manipulate others. While you may be blindsided at times, there are a few minor ways to help identify abusive behaviors almost right away.
Here are 11 signs he’s an abusive boyfriend.
1. He never apologizes when he does something to upset you.
Instead, he turns the situation around so you apologize to him. He’ll never be in the wrong, and somehow you always are.
2. He makes you feel guilty when you’re out with your friends.
Over time you’ll notice his mood change when you even suggest seeing your friends. What’s more, you will be able to anticipate the fights when you return. Eventually, you’ll still go out but won’t be able to enjoy yourself knowing that you’re upsetting him.
3. He cannot control his anger.
Whether he expresses his anger via verbal outbursts or physical abuse, it’s never okay to snap on the flip of a switch. If you feel scared for your safety when he’s angry or scared to make him mad, you shouldn’t be with him.
4. He insults your looks or calls you a bitch or a slut.
Unless this is a playful joke that you’re fully in on, then this is never okay. You should be able to identify whether he’s joking or not. Regardless, if you voice your discomfort but he continues to do it, he has some more serious problems.
5. He purposely embarrasses you in front of others.
It could be something as simple as sharing a story about something he promised to keep a secret. But the more he does it, the more he should lose your trust.
6. He wants to see you and you only.
Forget about seeing friends or family – he wants nothing but alone time with you. Over time you’ll notice that you become socially distant from those you love in order to cater to him and his needs.
7. He gets jealous easily.
Because of his jealousy, you aren’t allowed to wear certain clothing in front of other men. He also makes you delete any boy’s number from your phone, questions any male you speak to or becomes irritated when you even speak to a waiter at the restaurant.
8. He keeps accusing you of cheating.
Because of his jealousy issues or even underlying abandonment problems, he always leads back to you cheating on him. Sure, he’s insecure, but he also clearly doesn’t trust you. He plays the victim and wants you all to himself. And this is never healthy.
9. He questions you about your whereabouts.
His insecurities or territorial manor causes him to question you every time you are not with him. And those questions never freaking end. He’s not curious about you – instead, he’s trying to catch you in a lie.
10. He tears you down when you’re happy.
You could get a raise and he’d still bring up how he makes more money than you. You could find a $50 bill on the ground and he could accuse you of sleeping with someone for it. He’ll never let you be proud of something simply because he thinks does it better.
11. He claims he’ll kill himself if you ever cheat on or break up with him.
It is never okay to trap somebody with a serious threat, let alone continue to torture them in a toxic relationship throughout the process. It’s a serious sign of manipulation that you should be on the lookout for.
It’s important to remember that all of the abusive behaviors listed above are closely connected. So even if you don’t see some of the signs at first, you’ll notice over time that they slowly bleed into one other. And no matter how much he may apologize profusely, it won’t change his behavior. You need to leave him for your safety and sanity.
Photo by Andreea Pop on Unsplash
An abuser or manipulator will never change.
If at first glance you can react with humor to his remarks or bad words in your direction, because you are too much in love and he is perfect for you, then this attitude will become more difficult later. He will become aggressive, dominant, tyrant…