In the early stages of love, we are all often blinded by rose-colored glasses. Even when we see warning signs, we fail to recognize the danger we might face in the future. Because we want the best out of love, we have a hard time accepting these signs since they appear to be innocent and make us feel special. So here are six deceptive things that may look like love but are actually super problematic:
1. Knowing your whereabouts all the time
It doesn’t hurt to be informed on each other’s plans when you are both busy and trying to make plans. But when it’s at the point where your partner acts like a tracking device that needs to know where you are all the time, it signals an unhealthy, obsessive trait. This may look like love, but it’s control and obsession. The fact that you can’t have autonomy in your relationship is a fast track for a disaster.
2. Texting and calling you 24/7
Obviously, every relationship requires communication and in the beginning, there is a lot of it in order to get to know each other. It’s understandable that you just can’t get enough of each other. But sometimes, it gets to a point where someone’s behavior starts getting manipulative when they question your response time or repeatedly call you until you pick up. And when they start demanding that you have to respond at the very moment they reach out, it’s not passionate communication. It’s manipulative, territorial, and creepy.
3. Pressuring you to talk about things you don’t want to
Everyone has boundaries and comfort zones in terms of what they are willing to share. But when someone insists and almost forces and pressures another to share details they don’t want to, it’s problematic. This is an easy step towards emotional abuse. Moreover, knowing your darkest secrets and thoughts gives the person pressuring you leverage over you and allows for future abuse. It can almost seem like they are holding you hostage. This is extremely toxic and unromantic behavior and certainly not respectful.
4. Only wanting to see YOU
Sure, it’s cute that they want to see you and that they value you more than their friends. But when they start deflecting questions about meeting each other’s friends, start getting cautious. The person you are dating should want to meet and get to know your friends and family. If they have no desire to and only want to see their partner, then they are failing to see an outside world. This reveals that a dark obsession is definitely on the rise. It’s simply not healthy.
5. Stalking your social media
It may seem adorable that they are paying attention to your social media activity, but at the same time, they’re just trying to keep their tabs open on you – literally. They shouldn’t be paying attention to posts you like or comment on, or comment on your retweets or tagged memes. It might be an issue of jealousy or insecurity, but it’s possessive and inappropriate as well. Later on, this could lead to showing private messages with other people, sharing passwords and other private information as well, which is toxic behavior.
6. Begging for a second chance
At some point the “victim” will notice their own toxic traits and behaviour. When they do, they may question you or call you out. It might start happening more frequently too. If the other person keeps apologizing and asking for a second chance, they know they are caught, but they can still manipulate you into coming back to them to continue the vicious cycle. They know just what to say and how to play the victim card.
At the end of the day, if your partner has these traits, your relationship is neither healthy nor trusting. In fact, it looks like one of these parties may have more deep-rooted issues that may require serious counseling. Freedom of speech, personal expression, and privacy should never be breached or taken away from you, especially with fear of disappointing or angering your significant other. If this is the case, there’s a problem. And then I strongly urge you to reflect on these issues so that you can make your next move in the safest way possible.
Feature image by Marc Schaefer via Unsplash.
I support these signs of toxic relationships. Such relationships are characterized by a lack of trust, controlling behaviors, and frequent lying. Unhealthy doesn’t mean love, remember this.