6 Things I Learned From Hiring A Dating Coach

My dating coach was worth every cent.

I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d admit to needing help. Men I’ve dated have smashed my heart into pieces, and my bad dating choices made me depressed. For instance, I was dating this one guy, and, let’s just say, there were four other women who could have said the same thing about their relationship.

One day, I was browsing through a business group I was a member of and saw a woman advertising an event she had coming up: all about finding Mr. Right. I decided to leave a comment, with no intention of attending the event, as I lived in a different state. She ended up private messaging me. After a few messages back and forth, we organized a time to have a proper phone chat. We talked about my dating history. We further discussed the fact that I’d never had a real boyfriend. I also told her about the kind of men I could see myself with. From then on, I had weekly sessions with her for two months.

I went to her for advice before dates. We discussed situations from my past to work out what I could have done differently, so I’d feel empowered the next time something similar happened. She even helped me phrase the texts to send. And, most importantly, I learned the following things about myself when it came to dating.

1. I learned I’m worthy of dating a good guy.

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I used to believe that remaining stuck in bad relationships made me undeserving of a good one. My inner belief system kept telling me that since I kept attracting these toxic men, I’m not  that good myself. Although we worked on changing my thinking surrounding men and relationships, we also worked on self-confidence, which helped me realize how much of a catch I really am.

2. I developed the confidence to speak my mind.

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If a man I dated did something that really wasn’t cool with me, I’d often suck it up. I was scared they’d break up with me for being too high-maintenance. She taught me how to be diplomatic with my approach, while also setting my boundaries at the beginning of the relationship with absolute confidence. Remember, you teach people how you want to be treated.

3. I learned to see his side of things.

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It’s easy to head to a group chat with your girls and bash a guy for not doing what you want. But my coach made me realize there were times I was being quite unreasonable, like when we would express situations in a way that helped me see his perspective. I could see that sometimes my irrational approach sparked arguments that we could have easily prevented.

4. I realized dating can be a fun process.

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I didn’t want to go on another date after I mended my broken heart. But she made me realize how much fun dating can be because of how many amazing men are out there. I experimented with online dating and began to date men I would never have originally gone for. She gave me the confidence to date these new people and recognize the kind of guy I want to end up with.

5. She encouraged me to make better dating choices.

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Rather than just assessing men based on their looks, my dating coach asked me to assess them based on their values and innate personality traits. I sat down and worked out what my values entailed, so that I could see where I saw myself heading. I could easily compromise on something like looks if it meant the man was more ambitious and a match for me career-wise. Before seeing her, I dated men who wanted me to be a stay-at-home mum who gave them seven children, whereas I want to work and buy Chanel.

6. I began to trust and believe in the process of finding love.

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I believe there are people out there for everyone, so I stopped believing that good love will never find me. Before I saw my dating coach, I’d put my life on hold to sit by the phone and wait for a guy to text me. I constantly lived in fear of rejection, which caused me to not be myself in relationships. She made me realize that not every relationship can work out, and that I really need to trust the dating process.

I’m glad I hired someone to teach me how to date. I figure people hire coaches all the time, so what’s the difference with hiring a dating coach?

Comment: Have you ever, or would you ever, hire a dating coach?

Originally written by Peta Serras on SheSaid.

Feature image by Joanna Nix on Unsplash.

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