Why I Always Screen Men Before I Go Out With Them

You wouldn’t buy new makeup without reading reviews first, so why do anything differently with a date?

I’m a busy woman with a thriving career, so I prefer to screen men before I ever go out with them. Some days, I barely have time for myself, so why should I give a stranger my time unless I know it will be worthwhile?

I wasn’t always this much of a picky dater.

I used to willingly accept dates with every man who I swiped right on Tinder. If our conversations lasted 10 minutes, and the ridiculously handsome stranger said he wanted to get a drink with me, I’d feel pretty chuffed.

I’d hype the date up in my mind before it even started, thinking of all the possible, exciting scenarios.

I fully invested myself in the potential relationships, all because of a few  sentences we shared, six carefully picked photos, and a one hundred word Tinder bio. My fantasies were always inevitably crushed when I met the men and learned that they weren’t even worthy of two minutes of my precious time while I waited for a drink at the bar.

That’s the downside of meeting someone online: They can seem good on paper, but once you meet, the spark just isn’t there. So after 50 first dates that left me feeling like flat champagne, I decided that I needed a new plan.

Why not screen men before actually going on a date with them? It made so much sense! I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought of the idea earlier. I mean, I’d never expect to get a job interview if someone hadn’t even read my CV and checked out my references first. Yet here I was, giving potential applicants the job before I even knew anything about them.

Prequalifying a potential suitor is a smart dating practice that everyone needs to adopt. Not only does it save both parties the heartache of a potentially bad date, but it saves you time, too.

Curious about my formula? Here are the four screening stages I follow:

1. Get A Clear Idea

Before I even start swiping, I get a clear idea of what I’m looking for. Is it a cute stranger to have fun with at an adult sleepover or a guy that I want to eventually meet my mother? You can’t screen your dates effectively if you have no idea what you’re after.

2. Be Picky

I’m not a fan of dropping the bar simply because I’ve had a few bad experiences. My motto is “Keep your heels high and your standards higher.” After all, if you’re after a long-term relationship and the cute guy you just found on Tinder doesn’t seem to own a shirt, then you know he’s someone you have to swipe left on… no exceptions!

3. Make Conversation

I always try to make the pre-date conversations fun, lighthearted, and playful.  There’s a very serious motive behind it, however: I’m deciding if the men are worth my time. Not every guy will be a witty wordsmith, but asking questions in a playful way to gauge whether or not his values align with mine is absolutely essential.

4. Have a Phone Date

If the conversation turns into essay-length paragraphs, then I usually call the guy or suggest a phone date. A phone call can help you decide if you have chemistry with your potential suitor, plus it removes a lot of those first-date nerves.

Now that I know something about this person, I feel confident that I  won’t need to sneak into the bathroom and message one of my girlfriends to save me. My first-date nerves turn into excitement, and the process from here on out is pretty smooth. Once you follow these tips to screen men before wasting your time on a date, you’ll feel successful again, too.

Originally written by Peta Serras on SheSaid.

Featured Photo by Adrian Linares on Unsplash.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.