After a break-up, many people feel the need to jump back into another relationship because that is what society says is the “right” thing to do. Before you commit to that new relationship, there are a few things to think about first. Stopping to really think things through can help you find the perfect person for you.
Relationships work best when there is give and take by both parties. Another key is having strong communication to solidify the basics and to figure out what you both are expecting to get out of the relationship. If you are looking for a man to open the door or pay the check at dinner, then you need to stress this to him before you even go on your first date. It is also important to always remember to compromise within your relationship, especially if you want it to last for a long time.
You need to start a relationship with honesty. Don’t wait until something begins to bother you so much that it becomes something bigger. Tell the other person that something is bothering you so you can work on it. By having an open relationship and effective communication from the beginning, the bond between you two will be stronger.
Can you express your feelings to one another?
If a family member or friend hurts your feelings, you would likely tell them how you feel. This should be the same with your partner. Just try to be a bit more sensitive and understanding about each other’s feelings. If your partner hurt your feelings, pick a time to discuss in person how you are feeling. Start the conversation off by saying, “The other day when you said I don’t look good in that dress, it really hurt my feelings. I felt sad when you made that comment.” Make sure to use words to show how you feel. This will help the other person understand you better. Again, don’t talk in an accusing tone. You don’t want them to feel attacked for something they may not even know that they did.
Who is your ideal partner?
This is one of the biggest questions that needs to be looked into. Are you looking for someone that has the same dreams and goals that you have? Is this person a family man? Try writing down all these questions and thoughts down in a journal. Keep a running list, pages upon pages of what you are looking for. Make sure to write down every little question you have for your potential partner and over the course of the many dates ask them the questions. Don’t be afraid to speak up and ask.
What kind of good or bad habits can you live with in a partner?
Ie. Your partner constantly leaves their dirty dishes in the sink when they could easily rinse them off and place them into the dishwasher. Would something like that annoy you enough to the point where it is a red flag for you?
What type of person are YOU in a relationship?
I know you want to find love. We all do. It feels good to be loved and cared for, but often times, pet peeves that irk us, are sometimes our own mirrored image. Are you rude? Can you be impatient at times? Are you messy? Are you lazy? Are you ever nasty at times? We all can be. We don’t mean to, but we are. Sometimes it hurts the other person. My best advice to you is to work on yourself before going out looking for love. The best kind of love is to love yourself before you can love another human being. It’s the truth.
Are you 3-Dimensional?
To be 3-dimensional, you need to be the exact same person you were before the relationship. Often times, people get excited because they think they have found their match. I think that is wonderful, but often people don’t work on themselves BEFORE they decide “it’s time to date!” It’s okay and normal to be single. We all were there at some stage in our life, and some of us are in that place currently. That’s fine. Be comfortable in your own skin doing things alone. What happens when you have a significant other and they are away on a business trip for the weekend? Are you going to text and call them all weekend long with insecure texts hoping they still love and care about you? Of course, they still love and care about you. You have to believe that they do if they are with you.
How can you be 3-Dimensional during your relationship?
Don’t forget the person you were before. You still had a life before that woman or man walked into it. Don’t forget about your family, your friends, your important job you care so much about, or the hobbies you enjoy partaking in. Just because you go from single to “in a relationship” that does not mean you need to spend every waking minute tied to the other person. That is very unhealthy and a good way for the relationship to NOT last.
I hope you now have a better understanding of what to look for in a relationship. Remember, that person when you were single needs to be the same person when you are in a committed relationship. The best way to ensure this is by continuing doing the things you love. If you follow my tips and advice, I have full confidence you will find the woman or man of your dreams.
[…] article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the […]