Welcome to “Ask Ada,” a weekly series in which we answer all those burning questions you’d rather not share aloud. Buckle up for some brutally honest advice!
Today, a young fella wants us to give him permission to cheat on his girlfriend.
So, long story short: I met this girl at a music festival*, and we really clicked. Nothing happened, and I kicked myself because I let ethics get in the way of a good time (Yes, I have a girlfriend). Anyways, we went our separate ways, and I never heard from her again. Until last week, that is, when she texted to tell me she’s passing through the area soon and asking if I wanted to meet up.
So, what now?
I really don’t want this opportunity to slip by. I love my girlfriend, but this girl is magic, and I don’t want to die with regrets. My mates won’t talk to me about this – I bet they’re losing respect for me because I’m acting all p*ssy-whipped over this. I’ve seen your IG, and I bet you’ll give me some feminist BS about respecting people more.
Still, I’ve got to ask: What should I do?
*Details changed to protect the innocent.
Since feminist advice is not up your ally, allow me to offer a nice, non-PC two-by-four for your consideration:
Man up already.
Let’s be clear here: You’re not writing in because you don’t know whether to stay with your woman or pursue another. You’re asking for advice on how to cheat and then come out looking like the good guy. I’m 99.999% sure you’ve already made up your mind to screw Ms. Festival, but I will respond… on the off chance that you truly want a reality check.
Jesus, take the wheel.
You didn’t tell me anything about your girlfriend or this mystery chick. You did, on the other hand, tell me a great deal about yourself. You clicked with someone. You love women. You want your mates to respect you. You hate missing out. You want magic. Whatever goes on in your love life only matters as long as it impacts you. People who wander into your orbit don’t matter, or else you wouldn’t have been so cavalier about respecting their feelings.
You think your mates will respect you because you pit women against each other? You think they’re quiet because this is such a brilliant idea? You think that they’ll congratulate you when you tell them about your conquest and then swear them to secrecy, as if you’re all f*cking 5-year-olds? Nah, man. They might not say anything to your face, but you bet your sweet ass they’ll be trashing you as soon as you turn your back.
Here’s a regret to take off your bucket list: Don’t be the coward who cheats.
People (not just men) care about strength of character. They want friends who they can trust, friends who will do right by them. Cheating is a cowardly way out, and once you start falling down that rabbit hole, where does it really end? Would anyone want to confide in you? Introduce you to their girlfriends? In everyone’s eyes,you’ll be nothing but a user. The only people who will admire you are other users.
The reason your friends don’t say anything when you bring up this lady is because they’re f*cking embarrassed to feel stuck in the middle of this drama. If they thought cheating was all hunky dory, they would have just patted you on the head and said, “atta boy.” They didn’t, though, because they don’t want to be the ones who have to tell you the truth. Which is why I’m here.
If you want respect, and Ms. Festival is your one true love, strap on a pair, and break up with your girlfriend. If she isn’t, lose that lady’s number, and don’t bring up her name again.
Your friends will be relieved – I’m sick of her already, and I’ve only been writing for half an hour.
(Please note: We are not a crisis hotline. If you need crisis response, Google is your best friend right now.)