I always saw you as some sort of beautiful disaster cloaked in insecurity but beaming with delicate perfection. Your determination to break down barriers and soar mesmerized me; your dedication to your convictions complimented my passion exquisitely and allowed us to walk in stride. I thought we’d walk hand in hand forever.
Your voice brought me comfort; your presence was my peace. I found solace inside your eyes, and joy within your smile. Saving you from your anxiety brought me to life, just as drawing you out of your reclusive shell provided me with purpose.
I somehow thought we’d last forever, like fruitcake or Sonny & Cher.
It was completely foolish to ever think that would be the case. Reality strikes eventually, even in the most beautifully constructed stories or the sturdiest of relationships. Though I thought our history would forever bind us together like gorilla glue, the truth was that when the pressure was applied, we simply shattered beyond any conceivable repair.
I assumed we’d always have our memories to remind us why we were the ideal team. Yet, with each breath I take, those times we shared morph into something tattered, torn, and incomplete. For every glimpse back into our margarita marathons or passionate performances, I slip into scenes of your betrayal instead. The past is now constantly clouded; everything goes back to those hateful words spewed and the blood spilled on the floor.
Sometimes all I can remember is the sound of that last goodbye and the slamming of door as the boiling tears streamed down my face, drowning me in isolation.
Now there’s nothing left but the suffocating emotions your abandonment evoked. The mere whisper of your name knocks the wind out of me; pictures of you make me want to die. Your voice rings in my ears, gnawing away at what little self-control I’ve developed since your dramatic exit.
They say that time heals all wounds and eases all pain, and maybe that’s true.
Yet somehow I still find myself grieving the loss of you as if you died, not made the choice to walk out on me in my time of need. Each reminder of you fuels the fire and ramps up the storm inside my soul. I can’t help but wonder if I’ll burn for you forever and simply melt away one day when the inferno becomes too much.
Please let go of the spell you’ve cast over me, and set my spirit free. I once believed you were my person, the one who loved me unconditionally, but I now know it was all an optical illusion, one that I refused to let go of to see the truth.
Set me free. Let me fly. Don’t hold me under your gravity any longer. Because with you I learned that even forever ends someday.
Previously Published on Thought Catalog