What It’s Like When A Relative You’ve Never Met Passes Away

At some point in our lives, someone we love has been called home too soon.

Losing someone is hard, no matter how old we are. Every time someone we love passes away, whether it’s a family member, a friend, or someone we’re really close to, it feels like a piece of us goes with them. Then, there’s always a big hole in everyone’s hearts. It’s a space that no one can ever fill.

While your loved one is on their last leg and suffering, everyone around you tells you “It’s time to let go.” You know you have to listen, but there’s a part of you that wants to keep your loved one around forever and never let them go, even though you are watching them hang on for dear life. They don’t want to leave you just as much as you don’t want to leave them.

When you finally do come to terms with the fact that it’s time to let your loved one go, the pain and grief you feel is endless. You cry for days, screaming at God. Even though your loved one is not suffering anymore, you ask Him why over and over. You’re mad at the world, you hate when the death anniversaries come up every year, and you wish the deceased was here to see all the big steps you take in your life.

My late grandmother, my mom’s mother, passed away in 1994. That was five years before I was even born. Let me tell you, the pain and grief I feel every time her birthday or death anniversary comes up every year is never-ending. In fact, it’s gotten so bad that I don’t even want to think about her, mostly because I feel too upset.

It’s hard for me to not think about her, though.

When my family and I are together, we talk about my grandmother all the time. My family shares all the memories they had with her; they laugh and smile while they remember her. What do I do? I sit there with a sad look on my face, feeling as if I’m about to cry. My anxiety builds up, and I try not to explode. I feel so much grief and pain because I was robbed of even meeting my grandmother, let alone sharing and making memories with her.

My mom always tells me to smile and to not look so down when we talk about my grandmother. The truth is, I really can’t smile; It’s hard for me to smile over a woman I never got to meet, especially when I think of how I was robbed of having her in my life all these years.

Everyone tells me that she’s watching over me. Sometimes though, I don’t feel that she is.

Maybe, I’m soaked in pain and grief, to the point where I can’t feel her.

When family members you’ve never met pass away, you do everything in your power to make them proud. Despite your grief, you live for them all day, every day, every minute, every second.

It’s been almost 25 years that my grandmother’s been gone. I miss her every single day. Every time I reach a significant milestone, I wish she could be here to see it.

Hold your loved ones a little tighter. Hug them, kiss them, and tell them how much they mean to you. You never know when their last day on this earth will be, when they pass away. Say “I love you” while they’re still alive; don’t wait until they’re in their graves. Tomorrow is never promised. So hug your loved ones as much as you can, and always tell them what they mean to you.

Featured Photo by Chad Madden on Unsplash.


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