I used to spend all of my time searching; I always wanted something greater.
I’ve always wanted to be more, have more, and experience more. I’ve never been content with where or who I was. Nothing ever felt good enough… I never felt good enough. The constant desire for more became my reality.
When I found something that felt like more, it was such an extraordinary feeling! The sensation was so wonderful that I realized that I always wanted to feel that way. The insecurity that I wasn’t good enough fueled my search for something extraordinary in my life. In my jaded eyes, everything I did and everything I found needed to blow my mind, or it wasn’t even worth noticing.
We live in a society in which we expect every second of every day to be a highlight reel.
We want the most out of everything, and we demand that everything works out in our favor. It’s as if there is some external pressure on us to always have the time of our lives. Small, ordinary moments can never fully satisfy us because we will always wish they were bigger. We want people to see our successes, we want validation, we want to have fun. A small moment doesn’t give us the same extreme feeling that a bigger moment does.
I’ve always wanted more.
So much so that I often forget to stop and appreciate what I have. I forget how great a good night’s sleep feels or how wonderful it can be to walk outside on a nice day. I forget the importance of asking someone how their day is going. I forget to appreciate compliments when I get them. I forget to appreciate everything life has to offer, simply because I am always asking for more.
I complicate my own life by prioritizing perfection over true reality.
I want to do my best every day without realizing that sometimes I have bad days. When those bad days occur, I let them affect all the great things I have going for me. I want people to acknowledge that I am doing well in life, and I can’t accept anything less.
When I take a moment to myself and evaluate why I am always so stressed out, it’s because I am always looking for something different. I am always trying to be perfect. I can’t accept that I’m not good at certain things. I can’t accept that not everything works out the way I planned it. I have a hard time being content with where I am.
However, after taking time to reflect, I’ve realized that in reality (not the perfect world I was trying to fit into), my life isn’t all that bad. I have amazing opportunities, incredible friends, and an exciting life ahead of me. My life’s not going to be perfect, but what I have and who I am is enough. I need to appreciate my surroundings more and search less for better than what I have. Don’t get me wrong, building a more fulfilling life for yourself is great, but it should never consume you so much that you forget about all you have right now. Who we are is enough, and we are exactly what the world needs right now.