Good relationships don’t just happen. They take time, patience and two people who truly want to be together. So what does a healthy relationship really entail? At the most basic level, it requires two people who are loyal to each other and who trust each other, whose priorities are in sync with one another and they have mutual respect for each other. Communication is a very underrated trait of a healthy relationship because if wants and feelings aren’t communicated properly, the foundation of the relationship will be very weak.
Most of the relationships in our life do tend to eventually fail. But I am not saying that one or the other is to be blamed for the failure, as there are some noticeable reasons for this failure.
Below is the list of 11 not very obvious reasons as to why relationships fail in today’s time:
1. Putting our partner’s happiness before our own: When we get into a relationship, subconsciously we tend to put our partners happiness before ours to the point where their happiness becomes the sole purpose of our life. This is something we don’t realize initially but after a certain point, this is the reason that will make us lose our sense of self worth and make us detest our relationship. The Dalai Lama rightly said, “Happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors.” If we are content internally, it will show in our relationship as well.
2. Not having an identity of our own: A relationship isn’t made to validate our existence. In order to be in a healthy relationship, we need to be content with ourselves. If we don’t have an identity of our own, we will rely on our partner for everything. This will in turn lead to space issues leading to an end to what could have been a happy relationship.
3. Jealousy and insecurity: This ties in with not having an identity of our own. If we are in constant need to getting acceptance from our partner, and if our partner fails to do so, we will start getting extremely insecure in the relationship. This insecurity will just lead to further jealousy. An empty mind is a devil’s workshop and if our life goal is to evaluate every move made by our partner, excessive jealousy and negative thoughts will creep in.
4. Majority of time and effort put in by one person: A relationship needs to be a two-way street. If only one person is putting in all the effort and time, they not only run the risk of looking desperate but also being taken for granted by their partner. It’s essential for two people to try and meet midway in order to sustain a happy and loving relationship.
5. Lack of communication: Communication is the key aspect to a happy relationship. If desires and wants are not communicated in time, it will build up to an explosion in the future. It will start to create cracks in the relationship with a risk of an eventual failure.
6. Lack of support from our near and dear ones: Unknowingly, people around us make a big impact on our relationship. If our loved ones are supportive of our relationship, we tend to work harder towards making it work. However if people that matter to us don’t support our relationship, we unknowingly tend to pull back from it.
7. Past emotional baggage: Most of us who have been exposed in life come with some kind of past emotional baggage be it big or small. It is essential that we learn from our mistakes and not let it create a hindrance in our future. If we let our past dictate our future, we will not be able to build a healthy relationship.
8. Lack of compatibility: Only love is never enough to make a relationship last. It is very crucial but without compatibility in the mix, after the initial spark, love will tend to fade.
9. Priorities are not in sync: Two people may truly love each other but if they are not on the same page in their relationship, it will fail. That’s not to say two people don’t love each other, but if they want different things in life, they will not be able to coexist in the relationship
10. Rebound relationship: It’s commonly said that the best way to get over someone is to find someone else. This other person tends to fill the void in your life making you happy giving you the illusion of love. This ‘love’ will last until you learn you are not over your past relationship. However, once you get over your ex, you will realize the illusion you were living in. And you will have no reason to being in this current relationship. And I am not saying that rebound relationships always fail, in fact I know a lot of happy couples that were each other’s rebound.
11. Relationship was based purely on attraction and physical aspects: Our generation looks at love very differently. It starts at attraction and physical looks but if that’s all that’s there in the relationship, it will never sustain. Looks and attraction will eventually fade off. And there will be no reason to be in the relationship. A real relationship requires substance; positive physical aspects just act as a bonus.
There are numerous other reasons as to why relationships fail. But if you want your relationship to work, you should try to work on these factors. And make sure your partner does too. You might like to work on these factor one-to-one, or you might like to enroll the help of a love coach like Orion’s Method, to help guide you through this difficult time.
However, sometimes in life, we just have to realize that some things are beyond our control. And we have to just trust our fate. We need to understand that sometimes, only love is not enough. It is extremely essential to establish a strong relationship. But without compatibility and trust, love will always stand to lose. And we need to always remember,
“sometimes it’s not the person that we want, it’s what we think they can give us.”
Featured image via Photo by João Silas on Unsplash