When I look in the mirror after a relationship has ended, I see bloodshot eyes that scream nothing but failure. The flaws, the insecurities, the mistakes we might have made within that relationship that has just broken into a million pieces. I try to have a conversation with myself in the mirror afterwards and promise to myself that this will never happen again, but it is so hard to see past the look of heartbreak written all over your face. Sometimes it isn’t just about the reflection or the person that is looking back at you in the mirror, sometimes it’s what lies underneath.
And just like that,
It was over before it began.
Just like that,
She professed the will to stay,
But he ran.
Looking in the mirror I’d looked in so many times before,
I promised this wouldn’t happen again.
I would never let a man treat me this way,
I would never let myself fall for his games.
I wouldn’t let my heart fall before it was ready,
I wouldn’t let someone see me as expendable,
I wouldn’t let someone use the way that he has,
And let myself get caught up in the madness.
But as I’m looking at myself in this mirror again,
With the same blood shot eyes and tear streaming down my face,
I can’t help but wonder how I let myself give in so easy,
How I let my heart get in the way.
I told myself before that I would be cold,
Make my heart solid as stone.
I told myself before that I would stay distant,
It is okay to be alone.
I told myself before don’t give in before your ready,
This heart is too fragile to take on more.
I told myself before don’t let yourself get too close,
Make sure when you jump, you know who your jumping for.
But then I look in this cracked mirror,
And see nothing but flaws.
With the way I look, the way I feel,
No wonder he went running for the hills.
I told myself that I was beautiful before him,
I told myself that it didn’t matter what was on the outside,
I told myself that this reflection was just that,
A reflection of the outside.
Now I can’t help but feel that it is a reflection of what is on the inside too,
It is something dark and hollow, full of fear.
It is a river at night that you can’t see the bottom of.
This reflection just shows all of the insecurities lurking below the surface.
But he stumbled into my life,
Making me want to be open and shed light onto the darkness.
He make me want to learn to love again,
And see the good in the world.
Yet, here I am again, just me and the mirror.
Seeing all the flaws in my plans.
Remembering all the things I said,
And how I’m the one left falling by myself again.
I warned you heart,
The last time was the last time.
I warned you you were going to get hurt again,
But you didn’t want to heart my reply.
You didn’t listen to what I had to tell you,
You wanted to think that they were lies.
You didn’t want to believe what was happening in front of you,
And how you knew you should have said goodbye.
And yet, here we are again,
Just the mirror and I.
Revealing the only one that you can rely on,
When you know he has left you behind.
Someday you will listen,
Someday you will realize,
It’s just you and the mirror,
You’re just the reflection of what you need to see on the inside.
Featured image by falllenskies on Instagram.