I want you to take a breath. The inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth, namaste type of breath. Whatever you’re feeling in this moment, let it go. Unclench your fists, press your tongue down, close your eyes for a few seconds, and just exist. You’ve been a whirlwind of emotions lately, and don’t think it isn’t noticeable. Just take a breath.
You’ve read all about forgiveness and how it’s needed to move on, but let’s not underestimate how difficult forgiving someone can be.
Forgive him. Forgive him for giving you weeds when you wanted roses. Forgive him for not being able to be the person you needed him to be. Forgive him for the nightmares he has left in your head and the thousand unanswered questions you stare at ceilings hoping to find the answers to. It is difficult, but you will thank yourself if you can forgive him. It’s not an easy thing to do, trust me. Forgive him for the way he made you wait.
Forgive him for the second, third, and fourth chances he blew. Forgive him for the way he looked at you, convincing you that this time would be different. Forgive him for plastering his memory on all of your favourite places. Forgive him for letting his voice linger in your favourite songs long after he left. As impossible as it may seem, take a breath, inhale the good and exhale the awful. Forgive him for taking small pieces of you, day-by-day, and leaving you feeling broken. Darling, keep your head up and remember that it takes strength to keep fighting with a broken heart. Forgive him for making you think he loved you and destroying you instead.
Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for believing him, time and time again. Forgive yourself for falling apart. Forgive yourself for not taking care of the body you call home. Thank yourself for getting to the self-care eventually. Forgive yourself for how you handled heartbreak. How you gave in to him again, after saying you wouldn’t. Forgive yourself for the people you hurt while you were hurting. Forgive yourself for the flaws you pointed out about yourself in the mirror every morning for a week. Forgive yourself for shutting people out.
It’s okay to take time for yourself. It’s okay to be there for yourself before being able to be there for others. Forgive yourself for the way you pretended to be okay while you were breaking. You got through it. You’re a fighter who is always finding a way to make it into the brightness. Darling, you are a force to be reckoned with. Forgive yourself for being human.
Lastly, forgive your next love. Forgive him for the way he asks you to tell him about yourself, making you think of the boy who hurt you. Forgive him for the way he will, unknowingly, remind you of your ex. Forgive him for wanting to help heal you when you’re hurting. Forgive him when he gets frustrated at how you struggle to say how you’re feeling. Not everyone will hurt you. Let them in, love is worth risking it for. Forgive him for the way he’ll make you feel alive again, for that may remind you of the sleepless nights you’ve had. Forgive him for believing in you. Forgive him for the way he exceeds your expectations. You deserve to be happy.
I want you to take a breath. I want you to try, and I know right now you’re probably tired of trying, but fight. Fight like hell to let yourself be okay. Feel every emotion you need to. Stop thinking that being heartless and finding company in other people will make you less lonely. Feel it all, the good, the bad, the hurt. Let it all in, and then, let it all out. I want you to take a breath.
The inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth, namaste type of breath.
Whatever you’re feeling in this moment, let it go. Unclench your fists, press your tongue down, close your eyes for a few seconds, and just exist. Do this as many times as you need to, and I promise you, it will get better. You will be okay. Forgive it all.
Featured image via Mor Shani on Unsplash