Why I Refuse To Rush Into A Relationship With Someone

Reaching up, I grabbed onto the rock above me. It was dark, and I could feel the edges dig into my fingers as I grasped onto the moss-covered surface. Pulling myself up, I swung my leg over to position myself on top of the rock. Sitting down, I closed my eyes, hearing the wind blow through the bristles of the trees and the trees bowing in response to the night’s lullaby.  The warm breeze kissed my cheeks as I breathed in heavily, inhaling the fresh scents of spring. Looking up, I saw the full moon radiating above me, I felt my body relax, and all the tension I had been holding in faded into the darkness of the night.

There is something so serene about night hikes, by having all your senses heightened while wrapped in a rug of darkness. I love everything about them, from the stars that play a game of hide and seek with the haze of the clouds to the mountains that hug you with the feeling that no matter what you look like or where you’re from, you will always belong here in the arms of nature.

I looked beyond the tree lines to see Anna and Brendan in almost-matching purple sweatshirts, hand and hand, skipping down the trail. I watched as trees bowed to their obvious love, as the moon stood witness above them. Rocks looked upon them almost enviously as the couple giggled and laughed under the stars that glistened. The two had such a pure relationship.  I looked upon them longingly, hoping that one day soon, I might find what they shared. They spoke through smiles and laughter, through a secret language of their own, a language that only they could understand, a language that only they could know.

They were a match made in heaven, a match a million in one. As I continued to gaze upon them, I found myself wondering if there really was such a person for each of us who walked this Earth. My heart clenched, as I was suddenly reminded of my first heartbreak that left me empty and adrift, like a penny lost in the sand. But alongside my memory of heartbreak, I felt a warmth from the hope that maybe I would find an understanding like theirs, a hope that one day I’d speak the unspoken language of theirs, a kind of language that could not compare.

Anna was a sweet and intoxicating mixture of genuine kindness with the perfect amount of nerd. She was the definition of the “girl next door.” She had bright blue eyes that carried a sky of their own within them, framed by dark chestnut hair and dimples at the corner of the mouth, which she flashed almost entirely without realizing the effect they had on everyone. Without a doubt, Anna was beautiful, and I, too found myself envious how perfect she was. She was a rock climber with arms and legs of steel, and she always carried a smile on her face. She always shone brighter than the sun itself, and maybe that’s why she drew everyone in.

And then, there was Brendan. A complete goofball, but loveable in every sense of the word. He had the perfect nose and eyes that shone like gray and blue storm clouds right before the lightning hit. When he laughed, it was anything but just a noise escaping his lips. Brendan laughed with his eyes and his entire face. It was a laugh that truly came from within as if it was wired to his soul. A genius by birth and an adventurer by nature, he carried a heart of gold within him. And together, he and Anna were perfect.

I have always been picky with guys, and maybe it’s because I know that I am waiting for the right one to come into my life. The one who knows the unspoken thoughts of my expressions and the one with whom I feel completely at home. The one with whom I can skip through the mountains at two in the morning and the one who will drive across states with me, singing obnoxiously out the window. I want something genuine, Anna and Brendan. And if my stars align correctly, then maybe, one day I’ll have it.

Because I am an Anna, waiting for my Brendan.

Feature image via Unsplash. 


  1. I’m still addicted to your articles. I hope you will find someone who will be the whole world to you . your home and the happy pill you always searched for .


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