Let’s be honest with one another, I think we owe each other that much. Things aren’t going very well between us. I resent you for the littlest things, and you yell at me over my old habits.
The thing about us is that you changed so much in my life. I wasn’t one of those people who fantasized about their wedding, believed in soulmates, or ever pictured myself moving in with someone. If you asked me what I imagine the colour scheme of my wedding being, I would start by correcting you with “our wedding”; it has such a nice ring to it. Ocean blue. Not the turquoise colour you may be imagining, no. I want the crystal clear colour, the one I see in your eyes. The wave of your irises brought me, provided me a life raft, and took me away on vacation.
Now, it seems like I….no, we, are sinking. It seems like more often than not we leave so much distance in this double bed. I swear the tension could be cut with a rope. The thing about falling for you is that I jumped, not bringing a parachute. If this ends, I’m going to be hurt. And the sad thing is that I’m not sure if we are going to work out.
I used to see forest fires in your eyes, and now there’s a calm rain.
I long for your touch, yet I’m stubborn enough to not be the first one to always reach for you. I forget the last time your lips lingered a little longer than they should on my neck. Do you remember that look in your eye you would get when you walked through the door after not seeing me for a few hours? I’m afraid these are distant memories to me now.
I’m not sure where we lost the passion. If you know, please fill me in. I miss the way you would give my hand a little extra squeeze when you held it, just a subtle reminder that you were there.
Darling, I need you to know that this isn’t over for me, but if there is nothing left for me to bring into my future, I need to know. Remind me why we are together, because it seems as though we’ve both forgotten.
If you’re gone, I can’t bring a ghost along for this ride.
Photo by John Schnobrich on Unsplash