I’ve written about sex a lot on this website. I’ve shared stories, given advice and tips and have discussed exploring our sexual lives. Yet one thing I haven’t yet discussed are the things that women wish men would actually understand.
Sex has definitely gotten better over the years and we have found partners who aren’t as selfish as young, teenage boys are. But men can still be pretty freaking clueless when it comes to the bedroom.
So here are the things we wish all men knew in bed.
Foreplay is actually really f*cking important
I know you might get bored of it, but we actually need it to get things going. So if you wouldn’t mind, can you freaking get into it already so you can get into me?
Fingering usually doesn’t feel good
I literally lay there and pray for it to be over because you just effortlessly jam them in. And it feels like you’re at the gyno’s, and just sucks. Which leads me to my next point…
Don’t RAM your fingers repeatedly into our lady bits, IT FEELS AWFUL
Which also leads me to my next point….
Just because you saw it in porn doesn’t mean it necessarily feels good
Self explanatory. And also, being gentle would be pretty nice too.
Don’t force your dick in
Sometimes it just doesn’t want to let anything in, so respect our vagina’s wishes and stay out, or don’t force yourself in. IT HURTS! If experiencing problems, see the first point in this article again.
Breathing on us just isn’t sexy
Can you stop? Or at least chew a piece of gum or have a breath mint?
Can you stop commenting on our body parts while we are naked?
As if being naked already makes us uncomfortable and self conscious, commenting and comparing is even worse. Just shut up and talk dirty to us, we are well aware of our body and what we have going on.
There’s a difference between loving giving oral sex and being good at it… and we can tell the difference
It’s great that you enjoy giving ladies a little treat for once, and we commend you for enjoying it. Men like you are rare. But Jesus murphy, we can tell if you’re just not good at it. But kudos to you for trying.
Shoving our heads onto your penis during head is NOT OKAY
You complain about choking on pills and not being able to breathe, how about having a f*cking dick down your throat preventing you from breathing!? And a pill is a lot smaller than a penis. So we’re champions. Respect our breathing patterns please.
IT WOULD BE NICE IF WE COULD F*CKING FINISH TOO
Y’all are selfish lovers, I get it. But is it that hard to let us finish for once too? Like damn. It’s not that hard. How about putting a thumb on our clit while you bang us in missionary, or letting us grind on your dick for the 30 seconds it freaking takes? Heavens know you more than likely won’t go down on us anyway to make that happen…
Can you get the cum rag before we bang?
It’s great that we just had a marathon of humping, but I don’t want to lay still on your damp sheets with your future children on my back while you go to the washroom and grab a towel or toilet paper because you don’t have kleenex.
Be Nice and Get Us Water Too
If we’re at your house be a good host and at least offer us some water, or at least share.
And last but not least…
Your morning wood is always fascinating to us
It’s hard, yet not as hard as normal, and it’s still kind of soft. What is morning wood really like? Does it still feel good? SO MANY QUESTIONS! Don’t judge when we ask… Because we will.
I don’t know how many times we have to reiterate the simple things in life such as sharing, being generous or being gentle with our genitals! But looks like I just had to say it again. So fellas take a freaking lesson from a woman who knows what she’s talking about. Because I’m sick of having the same conversations with you pinheads.
Featured image via Sabina Tone on Unsplash
I really don’t like the assy attitude. No wonder men feel attacked all the time. As a woman, myself, I think we should convey the constructive criticism that we have in a positive manner, not present ourselves as entitled bitches who belittle men who might just listen if you have a “before sex” talk if you gave it a shot.
Sorry but you’re exhibiting the stereotype that all women should only always be positive and happy and polite and feminine. If a woman has to yell at a guy to get him to understand something that is genuinely important, so be it. And there is a significant difference between asserting a firm opinion in a strong tone and being straight up bitchy. If you can’t tell the difference- you’re contributing to the problem.
“Because I’m sick of having the same conversations with you pinheads.”
Tell us *who* can’t tell the difference between asserting a strong tone and being straight-up bitchy?
(It’s a twofer: The author, and you.)
You’re so right Nisha, as a man I find this writing style obnoxious and demeaning. Like, what am I supposed to do with the advice that “you might suck at giving head”? That’s not helpful or constructive…
Also, a lot of the advice is given as if it was “one size fits all,” but it’s not. Your female partner might like, for example, getting fingered or being submissive by having her head shoved onto the male member a bit roughly. The important thing is to keep communicating and get to know what your partner likes, not rush into anything or assume anything.