“Our love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it.”
– A Walk To Remember
As he drew me in closer for the last time, everything around me became a blur. The sounds of the rolling wheels of suitcases, and families bustling around slowed as if time were stopping. I breathed in his fresh scent, afraid that someday I’d forget, as I feel his cheek brush against mine, and his lips moving as if to say something, against my dark locks.
He had yet to say those three precious words I’d been yearning to hear, but despite that, I knew the tune that his heart was singing. It was a special tune of love, a tune that only I could hear, a tune meant only for me. I closed my eyes in anticipation, and instead of “I love you,” he whispered, “I’m here to stay.”
I felt my insides go numb, and my eyes widen as they became glossed over. I found myself pulling away to look into his espresso eyes, searching them as if I had noticed them for the first time. And in his eyes, I found the comfort of a thousand sweaters, of a hundred teddy bears, and a bed full of pillows. I watched as his long dark lashes swept down to give me his signature wink, and his lips rise up into a smile.
Unable to choke back my tears, I embraced him for the last time. I held on, longer than I should have, as others curiously looked upon us. Squeezing him one last time, I grabbed my bags and walked through security. And as I looked back, I saw him standing there, hands stuffed in his pockets. His expression unreadable to others, eyes glistening and jaw clenched.
And I knew that he would forever be my hardest goodbye.
Falling in love had been the last thing on my mind when I stepped off my plane into the hot humidity of Sri Lanka. But when I boarded my plane that was headed home, I knew that home would never just be a place for me anymore. Home now was in the arms of a person. The arms of the person I had fallen in love with. Home was now twenty thousand miles from where I lived, twelve time zones away.
As soon as I walked from his embrace, every minute felt like an hour. And every hour felt like a day. Every day seems like forever. But for him, I will wait forever and a day.
The miles between us make it hard sometimes. But I wake up every day to him and go to sleep every night with him in my heart. Hours spent on the phone remind me that what we have is so pure, so special. And that this distance means something, it is what gives us a reason to love harder.
Despite the miles that separate us, he makes me smile so effortlessly, and hearing his voice, even if it’s just for a minute, brings me a joy I’ve never experienced before. And when the sun goes down, and the stars come out, I’m reminded of the love we share. A love that inspires my heart, my mind, and my soul.
I’m reminded of the walk on the beach that night, where I hid behind you as wild dogs barked. As I laughed while we took crazy selfies together. And when we finally sat down to enjoy the night sounds of the ocean singing a beautiful lullaby.
Every morning when I wake up, I look at the sun and smile. And every night when I go to sleep I look for the moon and close my eyes, letting the cool breeze of the night brush against my cheeks. We walk under the same sun, and we sleep under the same moon. And I know that this distance between us serves as a test, a test to strengthen what lies between us and to give it a depth that is unmatched.
Our memories span the miles, and thinking back to them reminds me of how many we’ve created together, and how many more we have yet to share. Before starting my day, I look at the white ceramic Ganesha that sits on top of my desk, and for some reason, I see the face of my lover. And when I am near Ganesha, I feel as if he is right next to me.
Many say that when Ganesha touches your heart, you see in him the beauty of true innocence, purity, and divinity. I guess that’s why I see Ganesha in him.
Between us, there are no goodbyes. Because no matter where I am, he will always be in my heart, and in the face of my Ganesha. Love has no limits, and so it will travel with us wherever we go. What we have will take work, but when has anything in life that is good, come easy? Falling in love is easy, abiding by that love is the true test. And despite how confident I am in my love, I am just as scared.
I am scared of finally letting all of him in. Scared of the possibility of being hurt. Scared of finally letting myself love someone, to feel love and be loved in return. And whenever I feel scared, I think back to the moment at the airport, where my eyes frantically searched his as I found them sparkling like storm clouds hit by lightning. Pupils dilated in passion, and lashes wet as if they were catching falling raindrops. And my throat dry upon the realization that he loved me. Maybe far too much.
Despite the sevens seas that lie between us, I know that this love is here to stay, today, tomorrow, and forever.
Featured Image via Author.