As I was scrolling down my newsfeed I came across a post from a girl who was boasting about how she finally met a good guy and how this current boyfriend of hers is just perfect. This was nothing new to me; I have heard a number of people describe their significant other as being “good.” And I even thought that maybe the problem with my dating life was that I just never found a “good guy,” and that I should try to go for the nice boys who might not be exceeding (or even meeting my expectations) but at least they would be good to me. That was before this post. The problem was that I actually knew the guy that this girl was talking about. I also knew how he had treated a close acquaintance of mine and he definitely wasn’t the typical “good guy” at the time. I knew this person’s past and I couldn’t help but judge him by it. Maybe he really did change for this girl and had become a good boyfriend. But as of now, being a good person in general and being a good partner are two separate things for me.
As tempting as it is seeing the world in black and white, there is a lot of gray in it that can’t be ignored. It would obviously be convenient to just separate guys into douche bags and the nice ones who will always treat you right, but apparently, that’s not how it works. Knowing a guy is a jerk and hoping that he changes for you does not always work in the long run either though. How many of us think that a bad boy will change only to be disappointed over and over again? Obviously, that type of guy is labeled as a f*ck boy by you and your friends for the rest of eternity. But in reality, he might actually change for the next girl he meets, and to her, he might be the good guy that she had been trying to find all along.
Maybe we are all looking for the wrong kind of person then? Maybe what we should be focusing on is not what kind of person the guy appears to be, but the actual actions of this person. The stereotype of looking for this elusive “good guy” shouldn’t be the goal, it should be to look for a person who could respect and support you without focusing on their past. We should aim to look for someone who is on the same maturity level as us, who would want the same things from a relationship that we would want as well. At the end of the day, jerks become good guys if they really want to.
The same goes for that stereotypical “good guy” who has a great reputation. He might be amazing by the book when in reality he might be a bigger asshole than your ex in the long run. At the end of the day, we can’t help how we feel about the certain people in our lives. Our first reactions and the different aspects of our personality might come out solely based on the different types of people that we interact with. So if a person hurts you, don’t label them right away as a douche, the person might actually not even realize how much they have hurt you. You might just bring up a certain side of them and that’s okay. Not everyone should click. I am not trying to make excuses for the guys that really are f*ck boys and never actually try to make a connection with anyone. All I’m trying to say is not to take things too personally when things don’t work out with some jerk, and don’t try to find someone who is the complete opposite of him because being a “good guy” turned out to be a very subjective concept.
Featured image via Claudia van Zyl on Unsplash