Why I Needed To Let You Go To Finally Feel Free

Aug 25, 2016

I’m doing just fine without you.

I’m doing better than you probably ever expected me to because you never once thought I could be as good as I am now. Your words hurt me; they left invisible bruises on my skin that only I could feel. You left me crying myself to sleep at night and dreading every morning knowing I would have to face you as you walked past me laughing about some joke you found funny: me.

How cruel it is to think that people I loved, people I relied on, people I called my very best friends could leave me so easily and with no explanation at all. Excuses are always made and blame is always placed, and somehow I found myself on the outside looking in.

People come and people go, which is normal in life, but this isn’t for those people who made a brief appearance. No, this is for the people who became the main characters of my story, who helped fill the pages of my scrapbook with birthday cards and toothless photos. This is for all the people who thought it was okay to come in and out of my life whenever they pleased. These people jumped in during the vulnerable moments and took advantage of my broken heart, naïve personality, and soft-spoken self-confidence.

These people came and went, they loved me and left me, they betrayed my character and left her without a shield to face the big bad dragons. These people banded together and stayed together, these people want me to feel excluded and want me to feel as though I am nothing more than second best.

For a very long time I truly believed that I would not be where I am today. I had people tell me I wasn’t good enough. They told me I was an awful person, a terrible friend, a girl who would do nothing with her life because she wasn’t good enough to be the person who would succeed.

Well guess what? You guys were wrong.

I succeeded and I graduated. I got the job, the friend, and the boy. I became everything all these people never thought I would be. I became the girl who travelled and grew. I stumbled on my way, but I never fell back into who these people thought I would always be.

And what about these people? I don’t know. I don’t care.

I deleted and blocked. I ignored and threw out. I made sure to scrub the negative words off my skin with every shower. I chose to move forward and never look back because I knew looking behind me would remind me of all the people who came and went, all the people who would love to watch me fall.

I don’t care for your DMs or your friend requests. I don’t care for your likes and your pathetic attempts to pretend that saying “hi” when you see me will somehow make me forget about all the horrible things you said about me. It’s funny how once you’re doing well and succeeding these people who decided to come and go suddenly find their way back into your life. They come knocking with “wow, it’s been so long” and a peace-offering.

I choose to forget these people. I don’t want these people in my life ever again. Coming and going is a terrible trait to have and I truly hope that these people, these comers and goers, will soon realize that their behavior leads to the ending of many friendships and relationships.

So, to all you people who came and went: thank you and goodbye. I always thought I would hold on to you in the hopes that maybe you’ll come back and stay for good. But I don’t need you and I never did. Thank you for leading me to my true friends and pushing me to prove you all wrong.