Let’s talk about sex baby…
I think we can all agree that we live in a patriarchal society, where males occupy positions of power and are able to influence social structures and determine how social phenomena is “supposed” to be. Into this discussion comes sex. Women often times fake their orgasms, and I think it’s important to unpack the relationship between sexism and why we feel uncomfortable demanding pleasure from sexual interaction. Coincidence? I think not.
Note: This article is specifically targeted towards heterosexual cis sex between two people. It’s important to note there are a wide array of sexual identities and a large amount of ways to have sex!
First, let’s unpack why we fake our orgasms. I will be the first to admit I’ve done this before, and not only was I left unsatisfied from my lack luster sexual encounter, I was also felt a little ashamed for being deceitful with my sex partner. Fun, right?
1. We are taught that sex is for male pleasure.
2. We are taught our bodies are for men.
3. We are taught to be quiet.
Ladies, we do matter. We are sexual beings and we are beautiful and we have desires and pleasures the same as men do. I don’t buy this idea that men are “inherently” more sexual than us (thanks Darwin), and that they need to get off even if we don’t. Even the way we have sex is embedded in patriarchy. How much do you get to determine between the sheets in regards to time, pace, or position? Who is making most of the decisions? How does this reflect the power dynamics we see in our everyday life?
Fuck your blue balls.
Fuck your evolutionary justifications.
I demand an orgasm.
We are having sex for mutual pleasure. Just because a female orgasm might not be as visible as a man’s, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Whether you are experiencing your first time, whether you want to share your body with someone you love, or whether you just want casual sex, whatever the situation may be; our pleasure matters too.
Featured image via Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels