Ah, mirror pics.
The ol’ “I want to take a selfie, but I want you to see it all” trick.
And men, let me tell you, we really do see it ALL. Your messy room (or bathroom), the digital camera you’ve used in place of your phone, your undefined abs… I’m not sure I could handle dating you, in all of your shirtless glory. I think that I would melt, or burn up from how hot you are after seeing this mirror picture of your phone covering your face. I mean, who wouldn’t immediately fall in love at first mirror pic?
So men, if that isn’t indication enough about how we all feel towards your lovely full-length selfies, here are 20 things I’m NOT thinking when I see one of your infamous mirror pics:
1. That dirty mirror really makes this photo so much better.
2. Oh, you lifted up your shirt slightly so I could get a nice view of your non-existent abs? Marry me.
3. Brb, jumping in your bed right now.
4. You flexing your bicep really gets me going.
5. Is that an iPhone 6s plus? You must be drowning in money, and ladies.
6. I mean, it was already a GREAT picture in itself, but now that you’ve used flash in order to really enhance the exposure of the photo, well now you’ve just done it. You’ve created the ultimate mirror picture experience.
7. Yes, I do care deeply about all of the Playboy posters in your room.
8. It was like I got to look into your soul, where I was very happy to find all of those naked women.
9. You’re not trying too hard at all!
10. If we were dating, we could take mirror pics TOGETHER.
11. How freakin’ cute would that be?
12. Two people kissing in a mirror pic is SO much better than just one.
13. I see you have five different cans of axe spray on your sink countertop, it’s nice to know you smell good!
14. You are so not a tool!
15. You should photograph professionally!
16. Not only are you impressing me, but also probably EVERY single person on your Facebook friends list.
17. I’m GOING to swipe right.
18. We should bring back MySpace, I miss seeing multiple mirror profile pictures.
19. Taking the picture with one hand and holding a beer can in the other? Classy!
20. 2009 called, it says it’s totally fine that you’ve brought the Justin Bieber haircut to 2015 and it doesn’t want it back.
A nice selfie from the neck up might seem weird, but definitely better than a mirror pic. Perhaps even a fake candid, if you really want that full-length photo. Boys, please, let the past stay in the past. Mirror pics died with MySpace and teased hair, and we’re trying our best to forget them.