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Trump 2016: The Biggest Joke By Republicans Yet

Amidst all the chaos that comes with returning to school and the quickly-approaching fall semester, many of you have probably not had much time to worry about the upcoming presidential election. While making sure you don’t forget those extra pairs of socks for your dorm is important, I’d say the future of our country trumps those concerns, and since we are probably now all of proper voting age, it’s about time we start giving a sh*t.

Donald John Trump, Sr., otherwise known as the originator of the duck-face, a man who is better known for the catchphrase, “You’re fired,” than any other accomplishments, is currently in the lead for the Republican Party by a whopping 55%. This feat merely proves the detestable cliché to be true; money talks.

Putting aside my fury at Trump for essentially turning our American governing system into satire and using it for his own self-promotion in the way that only an egomaniac such as he could do, I believe it is important to showcase this man’s absurdities and to prove why even entertaining the thought of him running our country is more dangerous than crossing the border, which we all know would not be occurring in his presidency…..

1. Donald Trump refers to undocumented immigrants as “rapists”.

Trump kicked off his campaign in June by reiterating the already presumed idea that in the case of his election, illegal immigrants would know who was “boss”. His exact words regarding individuals crossing the border from Mexico were that they are “people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.” Oh, how big of you, Mr. Trump, to assume that there indeed exists humans different from you and less privileged who can actually be good people!

2. Trump “jokes” that he would date his daughter were she not his daughter. 

I can’t help but detect a bit of irony at Mr. Trump deeming another group of people to be rapists when he, in fact, stated that he would date his own daughter, if only she weren’t his daughter. The statement arose when Trump was asked what he would do in the case that his daughter, Ivanka, 24 at the time, were to pose for a Playboy magazine. His response was, “I don’t think Ivanka would do that, although she does have a very nice figure. I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.” That is just downright creepy, but hey, at least there’s one thing he has no prejudice about.

3. His idea of a solution to ISIS is to “bomb the hell out of [them]”.

Obviously, his mother never taught him that two wrongs don’t make a right, or that an eye-for-eye leaves the whole world blind. When prompted by Anderson Cooper about his ideas toward the ISIS situation, Trump said, “I would bomb the hell out of those oil fields. I won’t send many troops because you won’t need them by the time I’m finished.” So, let’s get this straight here…Trump openly threatens the most dangerous group of terrorists in the world and reveals he isn’t even going to send the amount of troops that would probably be needed in order to do so. These kinds of threats (to North Korea, ISIS, or any such powerful force) are, to an extent, all fun and games when made by public figures like James Franco and Seth Rogen because nobody has ever expected either of them to run for office. Then again, I bet nobody ever expected a chump like Trump to either.

4. He is entirely unclear on any real economic plans, or even an official party. 

Thus far, as with many other political campaigns, Trump has focused on what he is not going to do, who he is not going to be like, what’s wrong with his opposers, rather than on what is most important… what the hell he is actually planning on doing. Contrary to the way he’s been running his campaign, one thing he’s made crystal clear is his discontinuation of Washington’s lobbying culture. “I’m not using lobbyists. I’m not using donors. I don’t care. I’m really rich,” Trump reminds us, just in case we had forgotten.

Not only that, but Trump has openly admitted his indifference toward the Republican party, stating that he might run as a third-party candidate in 2016. While I am totally unopposed to Independents and breaching the realms of the norm, it seems that Trump’s campaign is not intended for the good of America or to aid any specific causes, but solely for the good of Donald Trump. “Born to run” a company, perhaps, but a country, not so much.

5. Donald Trump is notorious for his misogynist and sexist remarks. 

That fact alone should be enough to override any potential for him to be a fit candidate. Recently, Fox News host Megyn Kelly inquired Trump about these sort of comments he has made in the past, such as calling some women “fat pigs, dogs, slobs, and disgusting animals,” according to CNN. Trump later told CNN’s Don Lemon that these questions were unnecessary and that, “You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her wherever.” Basically, Trump doesn’t think that women are able to handle their emotions due to, in his eyes, our unfortunate natural disposition and for that reason any inquiry about his questionable comments Ms. Kelly may have had are irrelevant.

Trump, you can have your companies, your billions of dollars, your fame and fortune, your apparently sexy daughter, and you can even have what ever hairstyle you would like, or lack thereof. However, a man like you running our country and making major decisions regarding the lives of our families and all the children who haven’t lived luxurious lifestyles with their heads up their asses like you have, truly sickens me. Please stick to what you do best and who you are; the laughingstock of American politics. In the meantime, here’s a great website I think will tickle your fancy: www.rogaine.com.

Featured image via “Donald Trump” by Gage Skidmore / CC BY-SA 2.0



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