I’m probably not the only one who’s been amazed by all of the spray on deodorants being released lately. Revolutionary, easy deodorant? Count me in. Well, now they’ve come out with a spray-on condom. Designed by a student at Pratt Institute in New York, Michele Chu, the concept is to make sex easier and more fun for users.
Here’s how it works: spray it on and wait two minutes. You’re good to go.
Innovative, creative, exciting, yes.
But, TWO MINUTES?!
Unless it’s your first time fumbling with a condom, “not sure which way it goes, oh my god why is it sticky, I give up we’re not having sex,” then you’re not going to need TWO minutes to put a condom on!
Do you know what can happen in two minutes?
You can lose your boner, that’s what.
I can only imagine how awkward this experience could play out. Just sitting there for two minutes, waiting for it to finish setting before getting to the deed. Imagine going to a guy’s house for the first time. Yes, you’re finally going to have sex. “Do you have anything?” And he triumphantly pulls out a can of SPRAY-ON condoms. How unsexy is it to sit there, watch him spray on a condom, and just sit there and stare at it while it forms?
The purpose of the spray-on condom is to match our fast paced lives. Sex can happen in a whirlwind. You’re in the moment, it’s exciting, aaaand you lose momentum while you wait for the condom to finish setting on his wang. Nevermind, clean that up, we’re done.
Even in a long-term, committed relationship, I can see this being awkward. Although sex becomes much more routine and regular when you live with someone, I still don’t know how comfortable I’d be with watching as a condom magically form as I had to impatiently bridle my passions and wait to have sex.
Does it look normal? And most importantly, how do you clean it off? Is it going to come off during sex? Is it going to actually work? How strong can it actually be, if it’s coming out of a can?
The kit that goes along with this spray is also going to include a remote control bra. So that way your man doesn’t need to get off his lazy ass to unhook your bra. But why? Are his hands broken?
While I appreciate the innovation and creativity behind this new invention, I think I’m gonna do a hard pass.