College is supposed to be a time period in your life where you get a better understanding of yourself. You have made it through the petty high school drama, the early curfews, and the 6 hour school days and have entered into a world of newfound independence. With this independence comes responsibility. Our parents ship us off to school with the hope that we take what they have taught us in the past 18 years and apply to life at school.
As 18-20 something-year-old women, we’re all some level of “gross.” I’m not just talking about hygiene—I sincerely hope you have taken your parents advice about showering regularly, applying deodorant and brushing your teeth. So, for the sake of argument, I’m going to assume we all practice proper hygiene. The type of “gross” I’m talking about are things you might not define as gross until you take a step back and realize how repulsive it actually is.
Let’s talk dirty.
1. Rubinoff. Zelko. Vladimir.
Here I am, speaking to you as the self-proclaimed Rubi-queen that I am—this is disgusting. Literally, we are willingly putting poison into our bodies that we attempt to mask with a sugary sports drink. For $15 a handle, you certainly get what you pay for. A wise man once told me, “Don’t drink shit liquor.” Well, here I am, quickly approaching the age of 22, still drinking shit liquor. Is it really worth saving the $10 for a deathly liquid that burns with the fires of Hell down your throat? Um, yeah. I need that money for drunk pizza.
2. Drunk eating.
Close your eyes for a second and picture this. 8 girls stumbling home, pizza in one hand, heels in the other. You’re just too hungry to take your jacket off never mind get a plate. You plop down on a chair and your hand aggressively shoves the pizza down your throat as if it’s the first piece of food you’ve seen in weeks. Cheese smears all over your fingers, tomato sauce covers your lips. Within the 30 second time period of eating the slice, you decide it’s simply not enough. The fridge is staring at you, calling your name. Like an animal, you pounce at it, combining every food combination that sounds appealing and shove it in your mouth completely forgetting about the 2 large slices of pizza you inhaled. You’re a human vacuum. Literally, disgusting.
3. Day-old make up.
Kudos to all the girls out there who actually take their make up off when they get home from a night out. Seriously, you’re the real MVP (I’m too busy shoving pizza down my throat to think about that). Then you wake up the next morning, spend 20 minutes in bed wondering why you did the things you did the night before, and just like that, it’s time for work. Sometimes, you simply don’t have time. Sure, I’ll scrub my concealer off, but mascara? That takes like, years. It’s not like customers can tell the difference, right? (This is still pretty gross.)
4. Drunk texting the douchebag.
I get it. I’ve been there too. You’re drunk, you’re lonely and you just want to snuggle with someone!!!! Nothing good can come out of a conversation that starts with: “Heiy, whyew were u so meane to me laest weekewnd?” You aren’t thinking about the countless times he let you down or stood you up, you just want to feel wanted. You feel as though it’s best to settle for something rather than nothing. What’s one last sleepover gunna do, anyways? It’s going to make you feel pathetic. And he’s gross anyways, find someone else.
5. Going to frat parties.
Ah, yes, nothing says, “I’m going to feel gross tonight,” better than attending a frat party. It’s cold, yet somehow the dress code remains: high heels and skimpy dresses, because you know as soon as you enter, your caked-on make up will be streaming down your face in beads of sweat. Inside, you’ll find cups unknown alcohol sitting being served through contaminated jugs and lots of might-as-well-be-having-sex couples on the dance floor. Fun times :). Who cares if you’ll be waiting in line for a half hour? Make sure you have a good girl to guy ratio, though, or else you might not be able to partake in the festivities of beer-soaked floors and toilet-paperless bathrooms.
6. Wearing the same leggings for multiple days at a time.
Leggings aren’t gross. In fact, leggings are possibly the greatest invention known to man. I love my leggings, they provide me with comfort and confidence like no other. What’s gross is the fact that we wear them 4+ days in a row without washing them. Zero regrets. Long live leggings.
7. No Shave November, oh wait, I mean, No Shave Nov-EVER.
This is something I won’t be sorry about. Seriously, shaving adds a solid 15 minutes to a shower not to mention you’re usually left with razor burns, stinging cuts, and usually a line of hair you missed. When your legs are constantly hidden beneath layers and layers of clothing, it’s hard to notice you’ve gone a solid week and a half without shaving. Then you wear shorts to the gym and realize “Oh, that’s probably why I can’t find a boyfriend.”
Being gross is inevitable. If the world was perfectly clean, well, then, I probably wouldn’t fit in. Although, I can proudly say my frat party days are over and my taste in guys has gotten a bit more sophisticated. “Gross,” doesn’t always mean “dirty.” And if you read this list and can relate, then you are gross. But it’s ok. Because I’m gross too.
Featured Image via Bridesmaids screengrab