Recently one of my male friends said to me, “there are guys who will knock you for some of the choices you make, which is fine as long as you acknowledge the cost you’re paying”. We’ve all been privy to the “tough truth” at one time or another in our lives, but this hit me hard. I think that it’s okay to want to be in a committed relationship before getting too involved sexually or desiring an emotional attachment first. Essentially, it’s unreasonable for me to expect any college guy to want to settle down. My friend did go on to encourage me to “stick to my convictions”, but needless to say, I’ve been thinking about what he said a lot. Do nice girls get the “short end of the stick”? Am I going to end up coming in last? What defines “nice” and where’s the finish line?
I’m very much a “be true to who you are” kind of person and, I don’t think that anyone should ever feel the need to compromise who they are in order to get attention from others. If you naturally like to take the lead, don’t be afraid to do so, but if you’re usually a little more cautious, don’t feel like you have to play by the imaginary “rules” and be assertive. It’s important to be who you are from the very beginning because you can’t keep up with continually changing who you are to please others for too long.
It’s okay to want more. It’s okay to expect certain things. It’s okay to want to wait for the right person. Being “nice” does not equate to being weak, passive, or without a personality. It doesn’t mean that “you don’t know what you want” or “that you let people walk all over you.” Being “nice” means being kind, compassionate, driven, and exhibiting a multitude of equalities that you consider to be positive.
As human beings, we crave emotional connections and healthy relationships because they’re natural. Having high standards is beneficial in so many ways. It helps protect us against heartbreak, from falling too fast and too hard, and allows us to conserve time and energy by investing ourselves in meaningful relationships. The search for a relationship is not our sole purpose in life, and, most times, the best things come to us when we’re not looking for them.
College is the only time that we can truly be unapologetically selfish and focused on bettering ourselves and figuring out what we want. Not being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you’re “alone”and it also doesn’t mean that you’re losing “the race;” it allows you to appreciate the different roles that people play in your life and to build a relationship with the most important person in your life—you.
In the words of a friend, “I like to think that nice girls finish last because they are worth the wait, and they end up with guys that are worth waiting for.” Maybe the phrase is true—maybe nice girls do finish last, but I’m not letting that dishearten me. I know that I have a lot of love to give and that truly good things are worth waiting for. So, let’s keep our standards high and keep refusing to settle. Slow and steady wins the race, after all.