Probably the only thing Ke$ha and I have in common is our infatuation with beards. In the girl world, there are two types of girls: those who love men and those who love boys. What I mean by this is there are girls who love manly, rugged, ‘let’s go cut a tree down’ facial hair and those who like the clean, ‘I’m just a pool boy’ pubescent faces. Okay, that was dramatic, so what I mean really is there are girls who like beards and those who don’t. I’m not saying those girls who like clean shaven boys are wrong and I know for some guys facial hair is just not a possibility, but beards rule.
Let’s just clear up what I mean when I say beard and what actually is considered a good beard.
This is not a beard:
I hate to do this. Ever since the early 2000s, Adam Brody stole my heart in The O.C., but this boy cannot grow a beard to save his life. The problem is it’s too patchy, nothing connects, and it’s more of a neck beard (that’s just creepy).
Anyway, these are beards:
Jake Gyllenhaal is the man who I give credit for sparking my love for beards. His mustache connects perfectly with the beard, there are no patches, and you can barely see his lips because of his beard. That sweater also shows off his shoulders very nicely.
Jon Hamm right now is ruler of the bearded world. I mean that salt and pepper look really shows off his maturity and wisdom, which is something us, 20-something girls have trouble finding in our guy pool.
Okay now that we have that cleared up I’m just going to back up why beards rule.
#1: All great men have beards
All throughout history and still today, most influential men have beards. I believe beards are what change the world. Let me just give a few examples: First, Abraham Lincoln. He had a beard, abolished slavery, and never told a lie. Second, Jesus Christ. The man who came and saved the world from sin rocked the beard. He probably has the most known and most influential beard in all of history. Third, Santa Clause. Okay, who doesn’t love Santa? He brings gifts and joy to all. But most of all, Santa means Christmas and Christmas is the best holiday and time of the year, so naturally he had to have a beard.
#2: Beards instantly give a man more credibility.
When you see a beard you immediately think, ‘wow, he has a lot of experience’. You don’t even know what he has experience in, but you know he probably has a lot of it. Beards give a man the look of wisdom and intelligence. It immediately matures that 21-year-old baby face boy to a trustworthy man who has been around the block a few times. Let’s just talk about the zombie apocalypse for a second; would you rather have a bearded, broad shoulder lumberjack or the skinny-jean-wearing, clean-shaven boy?
#3: Beards are what separate the boys from the men.
Okay, now you boys who can’t grow beards don’t get your panties in a bunch. Honestly, if you can only squeeze out a patchy chinstrap: keep it clean-shaven. ‘Almost-but-not-quite’ beards make girls cringe. When you think masculinity, besides muscles, you think beards. Beards have always been the step from boyhood to manhood. When I see a beard I see a rugged, hardworking man who knows how to work with his hands.
I could go on and on about why beards rule and why more women should appreciate beards, but I will leave you with these three. I know it’s summer and beards have started to decrease in popularity due to the warm weather, but these can apply to that wonderful scruff that all ladies agree is irresistible. As for myself, I will eagerly wait until November—my favorite month—where I will sit back and enjoy the show of No-Shave-November.
Also, I am single.